When I grew up I didn’t want to be a doctor. Or a lawyer. Or a teacher. No, no, when I was growing up, I had the dream of becoming the internet’s greatest porn momma in the whole world. People would rush to their computers and eagerly type in Redneck mommy and then sigh with relieved ecstasy at the sight of my naked body glowing blue on their screen.

No, wait, that was last night’s dream.

Because I am a sucker for a pretty please, and because I wanted to put my ass out there for public ridicule, I present to you my newly inked backside.

So please, for the sake of my very fragile ego, please overlook the stretch marks and dimples. Because in my mind I am flawless. Please pretend you don’t see the strip of skin that accidentally got tanned while I was bent over in the garden. Focus on the tattoo, and ignore my hairy ass.

And Boo, just know that I love you. Because if you were home with me, instead of making kissy eyes with your small town hoes, I never would have had to post my arse on the net for the world to ridicule.

****P.S. If any of you have any suggestions about how to remove the tape marks on my back with out taking a layer of dermis off, I’d really love to hear them.****