I hated Mother’s Day until I got my first homemade card, burned toast, and chocolate milk in bed a few years ago.

Enjoy the family you chose. They know who you are, they know your worth, and they’re all that matters.

I do know I had an aunt (who had three children, and a fourth out of wedlock that she gave up for adoption) and an uncle who abused their children physically and verbally, threw them out of the house — and did every nasty thing to them when they were young. The three children are now so messed up emotionally that they can’t get over it to this day. I still can’t believe someone in our family could treat their children that way. Makes me sick.

I say the way to deal with your unruly, nasty mother is to just tell her that you aren’t going to put up with her nonsense anymore. If she can’t love you as you are and speak to you with love and respect, then you don’t wish to be around her to take her abuse. Also, she won’t be allowed to see your children any more if she continues to mistreat you in front of your kids. That should get her attention.

I know, you want her love. But, believe me, I know this approach will work. When my husband and I were much younger we fought all the time. One day, when I couldn’t take it any more, I just told him I would never fight with him any more. And, we haven’t. It’s been difficult at times but that hurdle has been jumped over.

I think you are a wonderful, terrific person, and all I want to do is send you my best wishes and a huge motherkitty hug. Wish it was in person but the best I can do is send it to you over the internet.

What?

Yes, turns out that no matter what I did, good or bad, my sister would constantly bad mouth me behind my back. She would tell people how stupid I was and how she would have done it differently.

She’s now 41 years old, divorced, living with an ex-con, one child who had a kid at 17, another child who is in jail, and is suffering from some lung disease from years of smoking 3 packs a day (though she’ll tell everyone it’s just “asthma.”)

Yes, her way of life is much better than mine (ha!)

I only know you thru your blog, but seems to me you’ve got your shit together. You love your hubby, adore your kids and have an awesome dog.

I hate to say this, but it applys to me: just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to like them. I wouldn’t hang out with my sister in every day life, so who says I have to do it just because she’s family.

Emotional vomit over.

You’ve taken a very big step by caring less. Your kids need you more than anyone, and they need you to be full of confidence and love. Having negative people around us is no longer an option.

Whatever your mother’s reasons are for having an issue with you – they’re her reasons, not yours. You don’t have to take them on, nor will you ever be able to unravel or solve them. So don’t bother starting. It’s better to build something fantastic with your own family than go digging around the past. You’re clearly not how she perceives you, and really? That doesn’t matter. We can’t change how people perceive us, we can only influence how we perceive ourselves. You are a fantastic, wonderful, warm person. (Heck, how patronising do I sound?! Sorry!)

Anyway.

Your kids so clearly love you and that’s all that matters. And your littlest one? He chose you. Just remember that.

Here endeth the rant.