So, apparently, I’ve painted my darling husband in a bad light. I mean, what is so bad about wanting to surf an internet dating site, have your wife provide you with a picture so you can post a profile and have all the crazy skanks toss their online panties at you?

I don’t know what I was thinking when I blogged about this yesterday. Silly me.

I would like to thank all of you who saw my side of this issue and agreed with me. We silly people find strength in numbers.

To the sole person out there who sided with my husband, who also happens to be my Piano man and a supposed best friend, I say to you “Harumph. Let’s just see what happens the next time the fat ugly chick comes up to me in the bar and asks if you are single. We’ll see how well I do as your wingman now, sugar.”

Since I believe in playing fair, and because my husband is coming home soon for the long weekend and I would actually like to have sex with somebody other than my little rabbit buddy, wink, wink, I have decided to let my darling husband have an opportunity to defend himself. On my blog. To my online friends. The same friends the Piano man called “intelects.”

(Snicker. Feel free to tear him a new one at any time.)

I’m (passively agressively) digressing from the point of this post. But because I actually believe my husband and his naive intentions, and because I love him so, I will share my blog with him for the day. I want the world to know how he rocks, and how he is the best man for the job of holding my hand and putting up with my shit. With out any further ado, here is my Boo:

Wow! You do totally know that people we know read this and you just made me look like I’m the anti-christ! You also know that I talk to you about these thing in confidence and total privacy. I had kind of hoped that we could keep this just between you and me, seeing as how all my family and friends read your blog.

(Doesn’t everybody?)

Okay, this is absolutely the untruth and you did twist things. I did ask for your help with a picture to post, but it is not because I am looking for a girl to get some. And you know that. Why would I ever trade for something with lesser quality than what I already have?

Furthermore, have you seen the women up here? They have more facial hair than I do, for the most part. And they could use one of those make over shows to lose the small town farm girl appearance they have going on. It’s one thing to wear shit kickers at the farm, but it is all together a different look when you see it at the grocery store.

Obviously, I am a little worried that all of our discussions will make it out into the blog world and to my family and friends and be laid out there for me to be ridiculed by the entire world. A man likes to make his stupid marital mistakes in private. I realize I was the one who gave you the idea for this post by suggesting this idea in the first place, but I didn’t realize how bad the idea sounded in print.

Okay I went overboard. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I even thought of, or brought up the whole friend finding thing. That was obviously a mistake and not well thought out or seriously considered on my part.

I promise not to go on any internet dating sites or to look for a coffee buddy beyond the people I work with daily if you would be so kind as not to post my blunders for the world to ridicule. A man’s ego is fragile. There are only so many kicks it can take before shattering completely.

But for the record, I never sat down with the hot asian girl for coffee. I only saw her a hand full of times.

I am sorry, and I love you very much. And for all of you out there, all you have to do is read her words and look at her picture up in the corner to know why I married her and why I would never trade her in.

RNM’s Boo.

There you have it, dear internet. See? He knows where his sugar comes from. And don’t worry, our marriage is safe and sound. And I did promise that in the future, if he blunders this badly again, (because who are we kidding, we all know it’s gonna happen again) I will go a little easier on him. On my blog, that is.

I reserve the right to bitch-slap him back to reality in real life.

And because so many of you asked, here is the picture I WAS going to send to him to use on his profile:

But I changed my mind. I didn’t want people to think I actually let that man climb on top of me. Eww. Besides which, he looks like one of my uncles.

Here is the actual photo I did send him:

I love you Boo.