There is nothing funny about the psych assessment sitting on my kitchen table, mocking me with it’s pages of judgements and recommendations.
I’ve tried to find the funny of it, buried deep between the parts where the report says that contrary to all my flaws I may actually be a good parent and the parts stating I may need professional help to ever be considered normal.
I’ve tried to find humour while reading that I am flippant and aggressive. (Ya, so? Wanna make something of it?)
I’ve tried to find a way to bring humour to a report which describes me as insensitive and overly frank with a streak of exhibitionism.
Like that’s a bad thing? It’s not like I go around flashing my boobs, people. (At least not while sober.)
Excuse me while I go find a bottle of red to boost my fragile ego.
This report has been the bane of my sanity before it’s very existence. The mere thought that I had to be clinically assessed in a psychological manner because I had the nerve to take antidepressants when my child died suddenly was and still is, insulting.
The fact the psych dude read my blog and didn’t like my sense of humour, my style of writing or my content, should never have entered his rendering of my assessment.
Yet, I suspect it did.
And I’m pissed. And not in an alcoholic way.
Overall, the psych assessment found my family and me to be suitable candidates for adoption. None of us are depressed, psychopathic, suicidal or homicidal.
(I hadn’t read the report yet.)
The report wasn’t all bad. Apparently I have the parenting skills of a super hero, much to the amazement of the psych dude. My children are well adjusted (despite my personality flaws) and delightful to be around. My husband could single handily save the world with his broad shoulders and most certainly saved me from a life of dancing around a pole, the report finds.
There are other glimmers of positive reinforcement in the report, just enough to keep me from jumping off a bridge or locking myself into a padded room.
But it is an unusual and oddly disturbing moment to have your life, your personality and your very essence ripped apart and dissected by complete strangers all so that you may have the opportunity to adopt a child. It would have been much easier to find a donor, fill a turkey baster and um, baste one’s self to get a kid.
If only I had thought of that first. Damn.
I was hesitant to post about this report, as I’m a little sensitive to criticism right now. (Hmm. Wonder why.) My family and I have been under a microscope for over a year now and I’m feeling a little shy about more scrutiny. But when I made the decision to blog about the trials and tribulations of adopting, and ultimately went public with this quest of my family’s, I promised myself I would post the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And boy, was this ugly.
Ultimately, regardless of how humbling this report has been to my ego, it has been a useful tool for me and my husband. It’s bonded us closer and gave us an insight to our children that most parents don’t get. It’s made us love one another a little more tenderly, because we now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that momma is ape-shit crazy and you never know when she’s gonna come unglued.
Er, I mean, we all have our personal flaws printed in black and white and there is no need to point them out to one another anymore. We have an official document broadcasting them for all to read.
This report, in all it’s painful glory did more than knock me down a peg or two and make me reach for my wine glass. It gave me a small gift in fine print, buried amongst all the harsh findings of what an incredible nut job I really am.
It told me how much my family really loves me, and how unbelievably amazing all of them really are. Flaws and all. Not that I needed a three thousand dollar psychological assessment to tell me that. I already knew.
But now I have proof.
******EDIT:******
I just want to clarify for everyone that we were RECOMMENDED for approval. We still have yet to be approved. This means the home assessment and our psych assessment and the recommendation will be forwarded to the adoption headquarters magic kingdom and some fairy prince or princess will read the recommendation and assessments and rubber stamp it yes or no. My adoption case workers assure us they are confident our application will be approved. I’m placing my sanity in their hands and trusting they wouldn’t lie to me. After all, you don’t lie to crazy people and I’m certifiable. The report said so.
And thanks for all the support. It’s good to know someone likes me. Because I’m positive the psych dude didn’t.
Pam
Don’t sweat it. Those psyche folks are paid to be hyper critical about EVERYTHING! If only we all had to take a test to procreate! Adoption is SO much harder and I wish you nothing but success.
Blue Momma
Ok, I’m delurking to say screw the psych guy. I’ve read every post (yes, I’ve staked your archives) and your other blog and I’d give you ten kids if you wanted them.
I emailed you once (using an old name) about your other blog and got the nicest email in return. You’ve been through the ringer and are deserving of having something go your way now. I hope all works out for you and soon.
Ok, back to lurking….
Caroline
Just going to play devil’s advocate for a brief moment here …
Years ago, a little girl was put with a foster mom in my home state. The mom had worked for the Dept. of Human Services and thus was given basically a free pass when it came to the evals. The little girl died after being abused by this woman, who is currently in jail for the crime. The psych eval done on the mom (post-mortem) indicated that she had serious, deep-seated issues around control (hmm, might be why she was attracted to a social worker’s job, where she got to control other people?). Couple that with a child who was, by all accounts, a handful, and it was a recipe for disaster. The headlines were just brutal and (as you can imagine) the social workers involved in the case were absolutely crucified.
The psych may indeed be sense of humor impaired, and may not “get” your blog or your sense of humor, but this person does have to consider the best interests of a vulnerable child who cannot advocate for him/herself. Look at it from an outsider’s point of view – here’s someone who has been through a hugely traumatic experience, who is on her own a good deal of the time with two other kids who are still quite young, and who has struggled to cope with the aftermath of this event. Wouldn’t that warrant a careful look before placing another child in that situation? Yes, it’s unfair that any idiot with a car backseat and a four-pack of wine coolers can procreate while we make potential adoptive parents jump through a million hoops, but what’s the alternative? These people have to stake their professional reputations on every decision they make, every day. I wouldn’t want my decisions examined under that kind of scrutiny, that’s for sure.
Having said that, I’m glad your application is going forward, and wish you all the best!
Bon
i’m with you on the fact that it’s offensive that the mere fact that you went on antidepressants – for ANY reason, let alone the rather depressing trauma of having your child die, for chrissake – is enough to mark you for a psych evaluation. particularly one that clearly misunderstood your blog, its tone, its purpose, and its power as a freaking coping mechanism.
you’re worthy of all that love your family has for you, and you ARE pretty much a superhero. and i can’t wait til you get your new kiddo so s/he can know that too.
Her Bad Mother
You didn’t need the proof, but it’s still gold. It is. xoxo
Beth
OUCH. I think it’s ridiculous that your blog even entered the equation (and I’d like to know who pointed psych dude toward it). Of course, an “assessment” of anyone, including shrink dude, would turn up all sorts of flaws, and I tend to believe most “flaws” are actually assets waiting to be utilized. So there! Don’t read this report any more. Just hug your family, and know all of us are behind you as well. *HUG*
Lisa b
Those psych people have no sense of humour so what the hell would get them through what you have been through?
I think you are hilarious but now that I think about it the shrink I saw this year didn’t think I was funny either….
wineymomma
So many good points to make so little time!?!?!
First of all I didn’t realize that they made redneck girls in Canada. Being a redneck girl from Virginia transplanted to soooooooooo many God-forsaken parts of the world by th US gov’t I have to say that you have the true spirit of the redneck girl down pat.
I am so loving blogs and everyone there! You guys are awesome!
Better living by pharmaceuticals should not be judged by the very people who so often prescribe them.
If the sacks full of nuts next door to me can adopt not one but three (and potentially 4) little life forms then someone who is so relatively normal and honest as anyone who blogs about the fun and difficulties of being a mommy should be approved without hesitation!
LOL to mommies everywhere
Dee
canape
I have my own assessment of you, and it involves never calling you crazy or anything like it.
Sending much love your way right now.
It’s good news, but with a swift kick to the gut. I’m sorry.
Paula
Obviously, that psych dude is a humorless, soulless cyborg. I’m so sick of these bureaucrats with their standardized tests. Every talent, flaw, or quirk that makes us who we are becomes a symptom of some underlying disorder or condition. I’ll tell him what the condition is: BEING HUMAN. I see kids getting subjected to this BS in school and I’m sorry you have to go through it now.
Di
Every time you post about this it makes me crazy!!! I suffer from depression…it is a genetically carried PHYSIOLOGICAL illness that is, for the most part, under control thanks to medication. Would they have an issue if you had diabetes and took insulin? What if you took anti-inflammatories for back pain? Come on folks!
And just remember, there is no one assessing all this crap when two 16 year olds are in the back seat of a car and just realized they don’t have a condom. So people who don’t necessarily WANT to be a parent at any given time are not scrutinized and are chastised by some if they choose to terminate the pregnancy…but people like you who have made the offer of a good home to a child with special needs get put through the ringer!!! Not fair.
Oh, I just told my 14 year old that life isn’t fair. But this REALLY isn’t fair!
Lori
Hugs! Take it with a grain of salt. We read these reports every day (I work at the juvenile court where the adoptions are handled in my county). The psyche dudes do this day in and day out, all day long. I don’t think they try to know the real person, they just try to analyze. Know that it wasn’t personal, it’s just their thing.
kittenpie
Well, hell, this is exactly who you play on your blog, too, right? Someone who lives out loud, loves sarcasm and laying it all out in front of everyone, someone a little bonkers, a little wild, but ultimately, someone who holds down a family with one parent away a lot, who loves her family fiercely, and who has come through one of the worst things a parent can face, and still managed to parent your other two wonderfully while trying to deal with your own grief. Sounds like a superhero parenting job to me, too. Plus, I liek your sense of humour!
Patty House
I would venture to say that most of us, if having to go through that evaluation, would be found certifiably (did I spell that right) nuts. I know I would be! I love and appreicate your sense of humor.
Jenifer
I have to get a psych assessment when I apply to be a surrogate….. now that I have some insight…yeah, can’t wait for that!
Suburban Oblivion
Who needs sanity with a rack like yours??
Nola
Wanna adopt me?
Ericka
fuck the shrink if he can’t take a joke. i just lost an awesome job ’cause i failed the required psych testing. clearly they’re all nuts. we’re fine.