Today is my son’s seventh birthday.
There will be no birthday cake. No party, no silly hats, no presents stuffed in gift bags or wrapped in dollar store paper.
There is no boy to blow out the candles and spit all over the cake.
Breathe.
Instead, there is a mother who quietly mourns and wonders if she will ever find the thread to mend her broken heart.
A mother who mourns long after every one else has moved on.
A mom who has to remember to breathe through the hurt and push past the pain to appreciate what still remains.
Breathe.
It is a lonely day today.
Happy Birthday Bug. We miss you. More every damn day it seems.
Breathe.
Friday, 4 January, 2008 at 20:37
Happy Birthday to your little Bug. I do hope your kiss was sent swiftly to him.
Friday, 4 January, 2008 at 21:59
Sending a big, lingering hug your way …
Friday, 4 January, 2008 at 22:05
That gorgeous boy of yours is with you.
Hugs (giant ones) to you today.
Friday, 4 January, 2008 at 22:05
Sending you love.
Much love.
Friday, 4 January, 2008 at 22:35
I have some very special memories of the lil Bug coming by the shop with Boo, tan ,fric and frac
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL BUDDY
I miss seeing you
Friday, 4 January, 2008 at 22:43
Happy Birthday Bug. Hope it’s a good one where you’re at.
Friday, 4 January, 2008 at 23:59
A while back, when I first discovered your site, I found your Missing My Bug blog. I read every inch of it, and cried through most of it. Happy Birthday to Bug!
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 0:15
Oh happy birthday Bug, and you Mama.. all the love in the world for you today.. happy birthday to you as well RM. *hugs*
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 0:49
((((Hugs)))) You can always measure the way someone was loved by the hurt you feel after they are gone. I hope and pray that one day you can remember
only with tears of joy. Happy Birthday Bug.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 1:57
What a Beautiful picture of your little Angel. It looks like he is giving you the sign for I Love You.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 7:26
Happy Birthday Bug.
Thanks T for showing me me my current troubles arent as difficult as others.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 8:15
You were (and are) such a good mama to your Bug… thank you for sharing him with us.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 8:21
Happy Birthday sweet boy.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 9:28
Happy Birthday sweet little Bug and big hugs to your Mama.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 10:13
I’m sorry.
You are doing a great job surviving.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 10:44
He was so lucky to have you as his mama. And you were lucky to have him.
Hugs to you on this difficult day. I’m so sorry.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 11:30
((Hugs)) RM.
Happy Birthday to your wonderful boy. You guys we so lucky to have found each other.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 11:41
Happy Birthday, little Bug. Send your mama warm wishes and a peaceful sign, kay?
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 11:55
Your whole family probably does mourn at these times too…but you all are keeping brave faces for each other and not saying much….at least, that is what seems to be going on here.
So sorry…..we, through reading your blog, will happily keep his memory alive.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 13:26
Happy Birthday, Bug.
You and your family are in my thoughts. Big hugs your way.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 13:59
Your kiss, I’m certain, was delivered, on the wings of those angels, whose tears were the reason for the rain that fell today, I just know it.
I’m so sorry; the thought of what you must be feeling wrecks the very core of me.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 15:20
Hey – I’m sorry -it’s a terrible thing having to remember when feeling so damn alone. I hope you’ve felt a few connections here and there today while you just breathe.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 15:34
Hey baby.
Not an easy day. But I’m sending birthday wishes anyway because it will always be a special birth day.
Hugs and kisses and other mushy stuff.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 17:21
Sending lots of love to you and your family on this very special day.
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 20:30
Happy birthday Bug, Happy birth day to you … I know you will never forget … even think less of him … but I hope that soem days are better than others … hugs kisses and prayers!
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 21:04
The end of this month my little peanut will have been in heaven for 8 years. She was the 4 year old twin to my son when she died of a terminal syndrome. I know how you feel – really.
What I can say that as the years go on it does get a little easier. The memories that remain aren’t the ones about the medical problems or difficulties but rather the sweet ones about tender moments and sleepy cuddle sessions.
Hannah gets mentioned in our home daily – whether it is remembering her in a mealtme prayer or the kids saying something spontaneous about her. Because of our faith in God we know that we will be reunited with her one day. For now, though, she is with her heavenly father.
Hang in there – it gets easier – and sweeter with time.
Anne
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 21:28
Happy birthday, sweet Bug. And many hugs and thoughts to your lovely mommy. xo
Saturday, 5 January, 2008 at 23:26
Big, huge hugs to you, RM! Thank you so much for sharing your dear little Bug with us. He is surrounded with so much love. *hugs*
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 0:25
babe, i am late to the party. so sorry about that.
i’ll forever be honored to share in a small part of Bug’s life through you that hot summer night in chicago. forever, ever, touched by him, by you, by your mothering, by your strength.
he lives in so many ways. i love you.
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 0:36
Thinking of you, T….
Happy Birthday, Bug, you are remembered and loved by so many….
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 0:54
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the grief you and your family must be enduring.
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 9:26
Happy Birthday Little Man.
Take care Redneck Mama.
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 9:46
Happy Birthday Bug!
I am sure you will be tickled by those kisses from your mama.
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 10:01
Hugs to you, sister. You will be with him again someday.
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 11:53
Happy Birthday Bug. Mom’s kisses and hugs and buckets of love will find you.
Hugs RNM, lots of hugs from me.
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 12:19
I’m sorry Tannis. Sorry he’s gone, sorry it hurts so bad. Just sorry.
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 12:28
i’m late to this, T…and sorry i missed Bug’s birthday. but the love i would’ve sent goes out today, across the ether…to you and to that proud little spirit who i’m honoured to know, through your words and your love for him.
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 14:18
Happy birthday, sweet Bug. And breathe Momma, breathe. If you need me, I’m here, T.
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 14:57
Oh T, I can’t even imagine. Wishing the bug a happy bday, and you all the peace you need when you need it.
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 16:04
I had to wait a day to post.
I could have written this post down to the name.
The only difference are the numbers.
You know that already.
I hurt for you.
I hurt that your bug didn’t have more years with you as his wonderful mama.
Damn. Here come the tears.
Hug…
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 17:22
Aw. Hugs RM.
That is such a sweet picture of your lil’ guy…
man i remember those wrist breaker knocker things.
Those things were a blast to play with but holy dyin’…when I’d lose control
I’d damn near break my wrist or knock myself out.
Killer ceramic balls indeed.
Hugs again….
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 19:24
T, I’m thinking about you and your Bug.
All my love,
Julie
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 19:58
i like im sure every mother father and human that has read this, i cried, my heart siezed up for a moment…
happy birthday to bug tho i dont know you or him…
and a 5th of your choice of poision…
Sunday, 6 January, 2008 at 21:07
I am new here (came via Casey) and cannot even imagine what you are feeling. Cannot. My heart aches for you, and I do not know what to say.
Hugs and blessings to you.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 0:29
Happy Birthday, Bug – Hugs, kisses and kind thoughts to you and your family.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 2:35
Happy Birthday Bug xxxx
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 9:17
I’m sorry.
I’ll be thinking of you.
My hope for you is that someday his birthday will be a day of celebration, not sadness. But, I know that’s a long way off.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 9:37
Happy Birthday, dear one.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 9:47
God bless you. I can not imagine your pain. I hope you were able to look to good memories to get your through it.
Monday, 7 January, 2008 at 10:33
Bug is still here. Every person that knows about Bug continues his existence past his end. He and all the other children that have passed away too soon are kept alive in sharing memories of his existence.
I am further down the road than you, Its been 15 years for me this year, and I can say that you will find that thread to repair your heart, but in truth, you will never really close it off, there will always be a zipper for you to peel open, look in and see him smiling as you are crying!