Yesterday, I had a parent-teacher meeting with my darling Fric’s teacher. While she is excelling in her academics and frightening me with her emotional and intellectual wisdom, she has been having problems with bullying.
As in those mean little beyotches at school are making my first born miserable.
My first reaction is to storm into the school, grab them by their scrawny little throats, throw them onto the sticky floor, sit on them and threaten to gob into their faces until they beg for forgiveness and cry for mercy until I let them up and stuff them into their messy little lockers.
However, I think there may be some kinda law about that so I decided to go with the grown up route and discuss the situation with the teachers instead.
If that doesn’t work, I’m putting on my combat boots and heading off to the school to show those little cows whose momma can roar the loudest.
Fric’s teacher is a young thing, with perky boobs and a waist I could probably circle with both of my small feminine hands and she is really pretty. She’s yet to fall into that vicious trap of giving up her youth, beauty and dignity to breeding small humans.
The competitive inner raging bitch in me tells me that I have to present myself in a good light in order to be taken seriously.
This means I can’t just storm into the school demanding for several preteen heads be served to me on a platter looking like a sloppy soccer mom whose gut is bulging out of the top of her pants and has enough grease in her ponytail to squeeze out and slather on the bottom of several baking dishes.
Which is how I normally look. Because why bother grooming oneself if the only persons who see you are the ones you sprung from your loins I am comfortable in my body and how I look.
But common sense and vanity told me the best way to make an impression on her was to NOT look homeless.
I have no qualms going shopping looking like a hillbilly. As long as my face is washed, my hair is combed and there is nothing in my teeth, I’m generally good to go to troll the aisles of the supermarket.
It’s not like my husband is coming home and I was going to get laid so I’d better get purdee fast.
The truth of the matter is I’m vain. I’m a decade older than Miss Perky Teacher. My insecurities can sometimes get the best of me.
I’m normal.
We all know women can be catty bitches. And even if my darling daughter’s teacher didn’t think anything would be amiss with me showing up au naturel, surely some other lady would see me and secretly scorn me.
That or those mean hyenas Fric goes to school with would race home and tell their mean-girl breeding momma’s that Fric’s mom showed up to school today and you should have seen how she looked! She looked so bad. She was wearing yoga pants with camel toe; dirty slippers and she had a giant zit right in the middle of her chin. I’m so going to steal her kid’s lunch money tomorrow and then make her cry about how ugly she and her mom are tomorrow at recess.
Which of course, would defeat the purpose of me going to school in the first place.
So I gussied up and headed in to the school. I mentally envisioned grabbing one of the little cows trouble makers by her hair and dunking her in the boy’s urinal when I bumped into one of the punks upon entering the class.
It was difficult but I managed to resist temptation.
I don’t know how fruitful my meeting with Fric’s teacher was, nor do I know if my daughter’s social situation will improve any time soon. But I do know that by showing up and addressing the problem, at the very least I brought the situation to light.
I want Fric to know her momma’s got her back at all times. Especially when the tough times roll on through town. I just wish there was something more I could do that wouldn’t land my ass into jail.
That’s not exactly the example I want to set for my kids.
As I was driving home from the school, I contemplated everything I had discussed with the teacher and everything Fric had told me. How my daughter is struggling to fit in and still be herself.
It’s something I struggled with growing up and still struggle with. Hence the war paint and fancy clothes to meet with another woman I barely knew. I want my daughter to be comfortable with who she is, how she looks and the person she will become.
I want her to be comfortable enough in her own skin to go grocery shopping with out a stitch of makeup while wearing her most comfortable pants.
I want her to know that it shouldn’t matter how she looks, it should only matter what she does. Even if society disagrees with me.
I want her to know that no matter how she looks she will always be good enough for me.
That is unless she starts dressing like a two bit hooker with goth-inspired makeup. Then we may have to talk.
This is why I’m taking up Sweetney’s challenge and showing you how it really is. What I really look like. And how I most normally look. Because this is it. The real me. The unvarnished truth.
If HBM, MotherBumper, Chocolate, and OTJ plus a whole other schwack of other great ladies can face their morning demons, then darn it, so can I.
Besides, I’m doing it for my daughter. Because she hasn’t been stuffed into a locker enough times, I feel the need to add fuel to the fire.
Heh heh.
The horns kinda itch first thing, so I generally have to scrub them off. Wouldn’t you know, they keep growing back each night. I don’t know what that is about.
It’s a well known fact I enjoy my rubber ducky time. Heh heh.
This is what greets my children, my dog, my husband and my mirror every morning once I’ve chased my demon away.
I’m learning to love her more every day.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 9:24
Dont forget Frac in this situation. I had the same issues in school when I was a kid but there was nobody there for me. Yes, girls can be worse but the boys can be bad too.
BTW, those morning demons you chased away, they dont know what they’re missing.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 9:34
Hard for me to read about you dealing with a muffin top or ugliness. Having met you IRL I know how gorgeous you are. And the picture confirms it (though personally I think the horns are kinda hot).
Let me know if the bullying gets worse. I might be able to sneak up there and “handle” things for you.
Oh shit. Can’t sneak now that our gov’ts are getting all pissy about ID when crossing the border.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 9:36
I hate when I don’t reread my comments before publishing.
It’s hard to read about how gross you think you look, because if you think you are I can only imagine what you must think of girls like me. You’re freaking hot baby. Own it.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 9:41
War paint heh, heh. I call it whore paint. Same thing.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 9:46
some of your links didnt work?
post a photo of me first thing in the morning? not a chance,I really am scary!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 9:46
If your daughter has one ounce of your beauty she will outshine them in the long run. I hope she realizes what a great best friend she has in you and aquires your humorous thick skin.
Sending lots of love up your way and praying that Fric makes it through puberty with her self esteem in tact.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 9:51
I’d do the photo thing except, well, I look exactly the same first thing in the morning as I do the rest of the day. I don’t wear makeup, I stuff my uncooperative hair into a ponytail, and that’s it. I was raised by hippies. I wouldn’t know how to put on war paint if I had to. Which is why I hope I never need to go to school and confront a perky teacher. I’d have to hire someone – maybe you! – to go in my place.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 9:53
Love the pics! I had to share with my husband, I may get lucky because of the tub one! Good Luck to Fric, little girls can be so bitchy!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 10:08
You are ravishing Tanis. Sans make-up and all.
We all worry about the bullying stuff with our kids. My daughter is so sensitive…I know that I will have to fight the urge to knock some heads myself. I feel the same about my son. He is in Special Education and man am I protective when it comes to that shit. His momma wil scrap if necessary. And I don’t pull hair or use fingernails!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 10:26
I wanted to comment…but…I’m stuck on the old lady tits….
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 10:29
You are awesome!
The old lady ‘nekkid’ in the tub. I almost lost my lunch.
I’m so sorry for all the frustration your poor daughter is experiencing right now.
This was a fabulously written post and I applaud you in your au natural state, which is pretty damn cute if I do say so myself! Fabulous!!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 10:36
You should love yourself, darlin’. You’re gorgeous even first thing!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 10:42
Whatever. Get Fric in kung-fu and have her learn how to kick their asses. You may think I’m kidding, but I’m from Texas (that means I’m not kidding. we’re violent here.). One ass kicking should set those little bitches straight, especially if all she gets is detention or a temporary suspension. Or just have her bully back (that’ll learn em). She can say, “Oh, yeah, well Bobby said your vajayjay stinks!”
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 10:55
The bullying thing is torture, for the kid and mom. My son is FOUR and dealing with it. I’d like to thank you for making me laugh today. It’s been a rough one and I appreciate it.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 11:06
OK. Photo #2 should have been hidden behind an advisory warning or something. I just had lunch for pete’s sake!
(Now the question is am I numbering from one, or from zero?)
wink wink.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 11:18
What you ought to do is rent a girl a few years old than Fric and her tormentors to give those lil’ bitches a dose of their own medicine. When my sister was being teased, I showed up at her bus stop and took the worst offender aside (by her wimpy little arm muscle) and told her that I heard that some girls were picking on my sister, and if she saw anyone bothering her, would she please let me know right away? Cause I will *cut* anyone who effs with my baby sister. Effing with her is my role, exclusively, understand? The girl’s eyes were big as silver dollars as she nodded and swallowed hard. No more problems there! Course, I was six years older, and so was also six years taller, fatter and meaner.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 11:24
The you that greets your family is beautiful. My girls tell me I look like a zombie in the mornings because I never take off my mascara at night. That and the red wine stains on my lips. I’m a wonderful example.
Now as to the meat of your post. Were you with us this morning as I spoke for ages with Bookangel about bullies, mean kids, being ‘in’ and ‘out’ of a crowd? I think you and I might be going thru some similar growing in our homes. I was actually going to try and write about it later after the kids are in bed and we have unpacked. I hate mean kids.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 11:28
You cheater! You brushed your hair. I’ve seen that mug enough times to know! Lol! Love you.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 11:45
Hee, I was already working on my post for this when I took a brake to fread blogs after having a nervous breakdown after watching my DVR’D recording of “Lost”.
My son was bullied last year adn my kids school took it very seriously. They nipped it right in the bud. Luckily, the parents of the boy are very concerned and were a great help at stopping it.
Kids suck. I wanted to reinact that scene with Rebecca Demornay where she tells the kid on the playground that she will rip out his effing throat if he keeps bullying, bat alas. I am the grownup and had to restrain.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 11:59
Mean kids suck. But you don’t. She’s lucky to have you in her corner … I hope things improve soon.
And, um, hawt first thing in the morning too?!? Boo is a lucky man.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 12:02
you are beautiful au natural! i did this too, and the results? well, let’s just say that i’d be happy to swing by fric’s school at 8 am and scare the bejeezus out of those little shits.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 12:18
all I have to say is that you are very incredibly pretty first thing in the morning, and if I woke up looking like that, I’d be more than pleased.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 12:35
I’ve been known to phone other kids’ mothers. I have NO FAITH in schools’ abilities to handle bullies… of course, it does require more self-control than I thought I possesed not to shriek “CONTROL YOUR LITTLE BASTARD OR I’M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!” into the phone, but I manage.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 12:35
Oh, and you look amazing for first thing in the morning… although that bathtub picture will be haunting my dreams.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 12:37
I know this is a prompt and all, and everyone is telling you how pretty you are. And you are. But I have to say I was a little giddy reading the beginning of this. Thinking “Oh, YAY! Fric is getting picked on. …” And then I was like, what a beyoch I am for even having that thought! I don’t want people picking on your sweet girl any more than I want my sweet girl picking on someone else … and yet I knew you’d know just what to do and you were going to tell us. You know, so WE’D know just what to do.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 12:48
Yeah. Julia comes home and tells me that someone said they’re not her friend anymore and I want to rip off heads and shit down necks.
I wish I looked like that in the morning.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 13:19
You’re a good mother. My mother never once showed up for my parent-teacher conferences, and I was the introverted type who had skipped a grade and then my older brother died in a car accident which made me prone to crying (a lot), so I was an easy target. I survived though…and now when I run into Ye Olde Classmates from Hell, they usually say “Oh, you were so sweet. I wish I had known you better.” And all I can say is WTF.
I found your blog via the Bloggies (congrats on the win!). Fortunately I have a low-key work environment so I spent yesterday and today working my way thru your archives, alternately laughing like a hyena or crying like I was 12 y.o. again.
And I’m amazed to learn that y’all have hillbillies *and* rednecks in Canada. I thought both species were only found here in the American South!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 14:03
I would post my photo, but won’t for fear that you all would think I had coated the bags under my eyes with coffee grounds, instead of putting them in the pot for brewing.
You, however, are just lovely.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 14:11
How’d you get that picture of me in my bathtub? Sheesh, you owe me royalties now!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 15:09
First of all, my mom actually DID do that to a bully one time, and while DEFINITELY frowned upon, it was VERY effective. Nobody screws with the kid whose mother is crazy.
Second of all, the first two pictures scarred me for life. Thanks for that.
Third of all? SHUT UP, YOU ARE GORGEOUS AND I WOULD DO YOU IN A HEARTBEAT. Seriously. I’m not a charitable person at all, so you know it’s the truth
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 15:46
BUHAHAHAHA. OHDEARGOD the old ladie boobs. Nice.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 16:00
I like #2 better
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 16:06
Washed face? Combed hair? You DO go through a lot of fuss for the grocery store. Lovely photo — the last one, if you need clarification.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 17:04
Honestly, I’m sort of puking over here over how AWESOME you look when you first wake up. And yes, all caps was necessary for the word ‘awesome’ just now.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 18:23
I bet you Fric’s mamma looks better than her friend’s mammas.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 18:47
Good on you! I too start my day the same way, with no makeup and topless… It sends a message that being yourself is the most important thing you can learn to appreciate as you get older. All these shows promoting plastic surgery and the paparazzi criticizing women for being “Ugly” without make-up can make a girl very confused. It’s horrible. Nothing looks better than a natural woman… The same way men look on a daily basis…
As for the bullying, I remember getting pushed around at school but once I realized my mother had my back, it made life a whole lot more desirable. Everyone left me alone.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 18:48
Well, shoot. I wish I looked that good in the morning. Or in the afternoon. ;^) You go, mama lion!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 18:49
Oh babe, girls are bitches. And then they grow up and breed bitches. What I have found is everyone has to have their turn. Someone is ALWAYS on the outer, it depends on how the one on the outer reacts to it on how long they are there.
It is her turn now, sucky as it is, and it will blow over soon. Honestly.
Just be there for her, talk to her and do what she asks. Not buy her a pony sorta asking but go to the school if she asks you to, but not if she doesn’t. And I am sending huge pus filled zit vibes to the little asshats that are making her life hell right now.
Oh, and lastly, Hawt Damn you look amazing first thing in the morning!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 19:04
We’re dealing with little-girl bullies, too… Pre-teenage-hood is truly the worst. Problem is, I was the one who was bullied years ago, and so to see it happening all over again to my own first-born brings on a rage so intense, it is hard for me to keep it in-check.
We’ve been dealing with this issue for several years now. Problem is, in a small town, we’ve got “slim pickins” in the friendship department. My eldest gets stuck with the same damn group of little b*tches every, single year. And it’s not getting easier for her– or for me.
I’ve decided that “being nice” isn’t what it’s cracked up to be, when it comes to dealing with this issue. I’ve started being much more vocal about the problem, and as MamaT so beautifully put it… I’m at the point now where I’m READY to rip off some heads, and sh*t down some necks.
The squeaky wheel gets the oil… It will be interesting to see what this Roaring Mother Lion gets once we resume from March Break.
Good luck, Redneck… I’ll be thinking of you and your daughter.
xo CGF
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 19:06
I wish I looked half as good!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 19:43
Ugh. Bullies just suck. She’ll come out stronger in the end, she just can’t let them keep her down (*cough* and the school needs to clamp down on that crap too *cough*). Keep you’re head up, Fric!
You look great without makeup, what are you talking about?!?
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 19:49
Um, what Beth said. I wish I looked HALF that good.
I also wish my mom had had my back in school. She usually thought it was my fault. I had a “bad temper” doncha know. Therefore, when I was tormented and had the gall to get mad, it was MY fault.
My kids also go through this. I found myself telling them the same stupid stuff. “Just ignore them.”
Last night, I told them not to antagonize the GIRL (two years older) who messed with them.
Then, I felt awful.
This morning, I told them to let me know if she did ANYTHING and I’d deal with it. I realized that I was perpetuating a VERY bad habit. Ignore the problem and it will go away right?
No.
Fric is VERY lucky to have you.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 19:55
You’re gorgeous. So is that girl of yours.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 20:43
I’m the same way as far as ‘having my girls backs’. It was always hard to explain to them why some girls had to be so mean. I tried to explain to her how she was the ‘better’ person for being nice and sweet. My oldest one now though totally understands – she ran into one of the girls that gave her so much grief in High School the other day. They go to the same college. My daughter has grown into the most beautiful, pleasant to be around most wonderful daughter ever that is about to graduate in May where as the nasty girl from High School is just as nasty now. Fat from too much beer and running behind on where she should be graduating too. See, what comes around goes around! And I’ve always been there too, waiting, just in case I needed to whoop some butt!
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 21:39
Shit! Just send that demon child from the 2nd pic after them. Believe me after seeing that they’ll never pick on your baby again.
Friday, 14 March, 2008 at 22:23
My daughter is a lot like her mother. My daughter is a little shy around people until she gets comfortable and my wife is like that as well. My wife also cares greatly what other people think – which causes her a lot of angst that is just wasted energy, in my opinion.
My greatest hope for my daughter is that she will love who she is and be the most confident young woman she can be, in spite of all the negative influences girls face today.
Good luck raising a daughter. I, personally, think you’re doing a great job!
Saturday, 15 March, 2008 at 0:43
You’re beautiful and you look just like your daughter – who is so lucky to have you. Girls are hard, aren’t they? So much to worry about, not wanting to pass on our own “stuff” and protect them all at the same time. Even at 4, I can see it coming. . . you are doing a great job.
Saturday, 15 March, 2008 at 2:17
I knew that your tits would be that awesome. You so sexy in the tub.
(Oh, and that lady in the last picture? She cute. Who she?)
Saturday, 15 March, 2008 at 6:42
Yep, that’s pretty much how I remember you.
There’s still no way I’m doing this. Right now my hair is sticking up at odd angles and I’ve got pregnancy mask. Not pretty. But you’re smokin’ no matter what, hon.
Saturday, 15 March, 2008 at 8:37
Dude, you are one sexxy chickadee.
We’re dealing with the same problems with Ben at school, and I’ll be the first to tell you (like you didn’t already know), it sucks balls. And not in a good way.
You want so badly to protect your kids from what assholes the rest of the world can be and when you can’t, it just hurts.
I’m sorry, darlin.