To All the Kick Ass Maternal Queens Out There @ Attack of the Redneck Mommy

I’ve been in hiding these past few days.

The government is looking for me. Something about duct tape, small children and turning the ceiling fan on high.

Apparently, they have no sense of ha ha. They call it “Inappropriate parental behaviour“, I like to think it is just another ride over at the Redneck ~~House of Horrors~~ Carnival.

Heh.

It is all about perspective. And what side of the law you sit on. Heh.

I’m off to spend the day ~~hiding from~~ playing with my children and pretending to be the maternal queen I am.

Bow down to me, my ~~servants~~ subjects and honor me. It is my day. I’ve earned it after countless months of gestating your nine pound arses, squeezing you out of my delicate flower parts and letting you attack my nipples like a puppy with a chew toy.

Not to mention all the years I’ve provided maternal services with a smile.

Heh.

Here’s to all the mother’s in the world. May your day be worth all the times you’ve had to wipe up vomit, cleaned up scads of scat and kissed skinned knees.

I know I’ll enjoy it.

I plan on making my children call me “Her Majesty” for the entire day.

Happy Mother’s Day.

that girl

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 8:41

Happy Mother’s Day!

jen

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 8:56

you, you amazing, beautiful, mothering soul of a mother, you.

and wtf. email me already.

Jenn

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 9:23

Happy Mother’s Day to you as well. Hope you have a fantastic day full of being waited on and pampered.

Paloma

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 9:32

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

Jenn @ Juggling Life

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 9:47

Right back at ya!

Annabelle

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 10:24

Mrs. Who

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 11:00

Happy Mother’s Day! I was driving home from visiting my mother in a local small town yesterday and passed a church that had this message on their billboard. “On your knees is the best position!” Being the profane person that I am, I immediately thought of you and how you would appreciate that sign and how I am sure your husband thinks that is the best position as well. I almost turned around and took a picture to send you and then I thought, OMG, get a life and stop thinking about blogs. And here I am telling you about it. I hope this doesn’t mean I have no life.

daysgoby

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 14:23

Mrs. Who –

I think I love you. But not on my knees.

Ree – You awesome thing, you – Happy, Happy Mothers Day!

kittenpie

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 14:42

Happy mom’s day to you, too! I am hoping to be done – for this first child, anyhow – with the poop, not have too much more vomit, and to be permitted to kiss skinned knees. Next kid? Well, we’ll see what that one’s like, hey?

Ree

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 14:44

Happy Mother’s Day Tanis!

Carrie

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 17:33

Have a great Mom’s Day!

Arkie Mama

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 18:06

Missy

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 18:24

That cartoon cracks me up.

Happy Mothers Day!

manager mom

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 18:30

All I had wanted for Mother’s Day was two hours alone, to get a frigging pedicure and lunch without having someone spill shit on me.

That did not happen today. A stomach virus happened instead. Thank you very much, Gods of Irony.

Happy Mother’s day to you, though.

Gunfighter

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 19:02

Who says you AREN’T a maternal queen?

Not me, that’s for sure.

LAVENDULA

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 21:07

happy mothers day !

Kelley

Sunday, 11 May, 2008 at 21:32

Happy Mothers Day my lovely!

Hope your day was as awesome as mine, highly unlikely as I had NINJA serve me breakfast. Betcha you can’t beat that.

Wonder if the government will be after me now, you know for the whole force my children to dress as Ninja and serve me and stuff… Shhhhh don’t tell em K?