I’m suffering from some form of the plague.
The kind that sucks out all your energy and replaces it with copious amounts of snot to drip out your nasal cavities.
I don’t have any kleenex. And I just discovered there is no more toilet paper other than the six sheets left on the roll in the main bathroom.
I may have to resort to wiping my boogers on my sleeve or stuffing tampons up my nostrils. With my luck though, the cotton will expand and shoot out my ears, thereby pushing out what little brains I have and leaving me a lifeless, snotty zombie who drools on the couch, tugging at the string hanging from her nose.
Good times.
Please excuse me today, while I look for surfaces to wipe my mucus on. I’m thinking my husband’s pillow case looks mighty soft right now.
(There may be some slight passive aggressive tendencies I don’t really want to explore too deeply in that last sentence. Must stem from him being healthy and alone, while I’m slowly and painfully dying from some unknown rare disease while single handedly being responsible for the survival of his children.)
I’ll be back when my snot dries up. Or when I muster enough energy to drive to the store and beg the pharmacist to supply me with decongestants and kleenex. And maybe some buttwipe.
You never know when you are going to need more than six squares after all.
That’s a scenario no one wants to live through.
Feel free to entertain yourselves in the comments. Better yet, join me in my woes. Whine. Tell me your troubles. I can’t be the only gal out here in blogland whining, or at least wanting to whine. Spill it. What’s your beef?
Or you could just send me pictures of yourselves. Preferably clothed. But beggars can’t be choosers.
witchypoo
Once you restock the buttwipe, you might want to consider a neti pot. If your local pharmacy doesn’t have one, a dollar store teapot will do. Just.Like.Magic. Snotbegone.
Domesticated White Trash
LOL, I second the neti pot that witchypoo mentioned. Best video on how to use one can be found here.
And oh, I am whiny today. I’m stuck in a small cinderblock office with three other people, no windows, i have my period, and must wear bluejeans due to health safety regulations. It’s as humid at hell too, btw. Good times.
Sunnie
I love love love my neti pot….first sign of a sinus headache and I am all about the neti pot….because of that little genie pot i have had far fewer really bad sinus headaches!!!
Feel better Redneck Mommy!!
Don Mills Diva
Doesn’t your husband have some clean shirts you could use?
Feel better soon.
Colleen
I can’t compalin this morning as my house is NOT underwater like many of my co-workers and friends. But I will bitch that my 3-yr-old told me my legs needed a hair cut the other day. Damn you…too cute…can’t…throw out…the window…
Jan
Like we say here in the South…bless your heart. The netipot is a real live saver and I wish I had known about them when my kids were little. The really cool thing is you can also use them for a gravy boat! Oh OK, I’m kidding about the gravy boat thing but they do look just like my Grandmas gravy boat.
Jim
I’m gonna whine about the heat – even though I work in a/c’d cubi-hell. It’s 90 (32C to yinz up nort) here today and it’s been that way for 4 days.
Also, I just turned 40 and I’m getting fat (metabolism shut down at 39.75 years old) and my parents keep bugging me to visit them and their manipulating ways. My Ex-wife had her baby this past weekend with her new husband – joy!
Beat that, peeps!
(Still better than having the heebie-jeebies. Sorry Tanis – feel better soon!)
Jim
Brea in Texas
(((hugs!))) Feel better soon, girl. There are many of us out there that live vicariously through your awesome stories.
I’ve got Jim beat on the weather. It’s Texas. I was happy to be able to work outside today, and tomorrow is only supposed to get up to 95. Oddly enough, I’m looking forward to it.
And then, of course, there’s the morning sickness. Yeah, your try compost top dressing 17 tomato plants in 97 degree weather while concentrating on not throwing up on the 5-, 4-, and almost 2-year-old. Beat that!!
(Actually, I’m not at all upset. I’ll take scorching heat over that freaky white stuff-snow!!-any day of the week; I’ve wanted another baby since the little one was born; and my kids were all weeding in the garden while I was working. I’m sorry. I tried to be pessimistic. I just don’t have it in me!! But I do feel very bad for you. Here’s wishing you a speedy and easy recovery!)
~Brea
TJ
I’ve always marveled how I can be near death and still expected to get up take care of kids and hubby, but hubby can have a sneeze and need to sleep until well. Why is that?!
I’m with you though, I have some sort of crud that just won’t go away. My nose refuses to leak though, so I blow like crazy trying to get the annoying crud out. To make it worse, it is cold out (well cool anyway) and I’ve had my heater running at my desk to stay warm. So a co-worker just went and turned the AC on! Ughh
Take care, guess they need a pharmacy delivery service. Sucks to drive far when you feel like crap.
Chicklet
It’s all of our stupid weather, too cold, too rainy, too blah – great way to get a gal sick. My dd has been sick since Wed. and even Dayquil/Niquil aren’t touching her… crappy. Did you see that the weather isn’t supposed to really improve?? Not a stitch of decent weather in all AB till Fri! Here I was thinking we were supposed to be getting the good stuff already
Here’s hoping your totally up on your feet and out mud bogging soon! 
AZ
I just turned 59, my boobs are so far south they are now eye to eye with my navel, I can’t remember anything, my ability to make snap decisions is gone, my ass is huge, I can only sleep 5-6 hours a night, I can’t wear pumps without my feet killing me, it took me three years to remember my new address, I still can’t remember my new phone number, but I do have a pantry full of tissue and gobs of toilet paper! I’d complain about the heat, but I live in Arizona and it’s only gonna get worse!
Get better soon!
amber
i havent got anything to whine about in my life. i’m in a foreign continent for almost a year without my parents, living with just my uncle, aunt and cousin and meeting various in-laws who have come to be my family in the UK. only big dilemma is, how on earth am i going to choose between my childhood country and the UK where i have found so much warmth and joy?
damn deep thinking. i better get busy.
amber
and get better soon. go have a good sleep and keep off the expensive reds.
S~
Aw, feel better. I’m equally sick, I’m pms-ing, and it is so hot here you can’t even imagine. Being stuck in an overcrowded building filled with 16 yr olds at 90 degrees? Good times
debra
#2 daughter has had IT, too. The neti-pot really does help. We’ve just made the 2nd trip to the store for the giant pack of Puffs with lotion. And the heat and humidity—— OY!
Bill
You only have 6 sheets of toilet paper and you’re worried about wiping your NOSE? Good lord, I start to worry when I get down to 6 ROLLS of toilet paper!
alison
My sympathies. I had that same thing last month. I’ts not fun. At all.
Let’s see if I can make you feel better by comparison. It’s 42 with the humidex. No central air. No air conditioning at all. The heat and humidity are making the VCR act funny. Yes, we have DVDs, but the local video outlet is getting rid of their VHS tapes, and having 2 functioning VCRs, I bought 13 tapes at rock bottom prices for the kids to watch. They’re hyped to watch them (Star Wars! Harry Potter! Spirited Away!) and now they can’t cause the machines are on the fritz. My swimming pool is green. It’s an algae explosion. The kids want to swim. I have a resident frog in my green pool that keeps me up nights. Well, him and the raccoon (who I think is horny). They croak/trill right outside my bedroom window. All night long. And to top it all off, I tried to teach my girls to respect nature and do a good deed by stopping the car and getting out to carry a turtle across the busy county road he was trying to cross. Fucker peed on me.
Feeling any better???
Tina
Okay – Top 10 Alternatives to Kleenex:
1. Dinner napkins. 2. Dust rags. 3. Bandanas 4. Old onsies. 5. Hubby’s ties? 6. Old socks. 7. Paper towels 8. Swiffer wipes 9. Kid’s dress ups? 10. Old washcloths.
Hope this helps you put off a trip to the pharmacy…it should work unless you’re out of laundry detergent. If that’s the case, you’re on your own.
Good luck and feel better soon!
Becky
Shit, do you really want to know?
I have a foot so swollen I can’t walk, but have to manage up and down the stairs anyway with an incredibly fat baby in tow.
AND I just found out I have “abnormal” cells on my cervix.
Oh, and I’m 5.5 weeks into a pregnancy following 2 miscarriages.
I may be going insane.
Jenn
I had a crappy night thanks to teenage daughter and a-hole ex, conconcting, plotting, conniving and manipulating. Almost ZERO sleep and I’m pulling a 12 hr shift today with no patience for stupid a-holes …. oh did I mention I work with mostly men yaaaaay me today.