There are moments in life that are so unexpectedly sweet that when they happen you can’t believe your good fortune and you spend the rest of your day smiling and shooting rainbows out your arse.
Like when you take out an old coat and find a crumpled twenty dollar bill inside a lint filled pocket.
Or when you buy a lottery ticket and actually win something. (Because that is totally possible. They keep handing out those free tickets just to sucker you back in with false hope.)
Or when your daughter scores the only damn goal her team has seen this entire season and it’s made only sweeter because she’s playing against kids four years older than her and twice her size.
So sue me if I jumped up and down, cheering and screaming like a raging soccer mom lunatic. That little victory was hard earned and made sweeter by the ability to brag that it was MY daughter.
Ya. We She rocks.
I love those little unexpected gifts life brings. It’s like finding a pretty little chocolate resting upon on the pillowcase of life. (Okay, so that is a horrible analogy, but I never professed to be a poet.)
Those little nuggets of goodness are all the more sweeter now that we know just how dark life can get. I tend to cherish them harder and hold them closer than I ever did before our son died.
Which is why, when I received a phone call from a dear family friend, I wrapped myself in the unexpected glow of warmth and thanked the Universe itself for my latest unexpected gift.
This gift was even better than watching my daughter’s triumphant smile after her victory on the soccer field. This gift was even more precious than the time I was snooping and found unexpected photos of my son in my friend’s photo album.
This gift made me smile and then weep with joy (and only a bit of sadness). This gift was a reminder of a life once lived, a love forever shared. I can’t believe I didn’t even know it existed before that phone call.
Video footage of my darling Bug. The ONLY video footage that exists in the world because we were too poor during his life to be able to afford a video camera to capture his beautiful soul.
(If only we had a crystal ball back then and knew how important it would be to document his moments. Sigh.)
Now I have him, captured forever alive and cranky and in his glory. For a few brief moments I get to experience my son’s sweet kisses and remember the warm feeling of his sweaty hair and how he clung to me for comfort for a few minutes. Not that I forgot, but it is so wonderful to see it in front of me instead of just inside my head and heart.
Because now I can share it with you.
You never know what sugary surprises life has in store for you.
You also never know when a bad haircut and forgetting to wear any lipstick is going to come back and bite you on the arse.
I’ll just try to over look that. How bout you do the same?
**Note: The video is around four minutes long. Just click play under the big screen at the bottom and his piece will start. **









Leah
I am so glad that you now have this piece of footage. I wanted to reach in the video and give that gorgeous boy a hug.
Mrs. F
Your hair looks great though!
Tracey_iPost
*sniff* I am new to your blog and didn’t know about your son. He has touched my heart through the video.
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah
I couldn’t get the video to work, but from the still I think you both look cute.
Lori in OH
He’s beautiful Tanis. I’m soo happy for you and your family that you can see and hear him again. As always, I don’t know how you made it through with your sense of humor in tact. You’re pretty great.
jerilynne
i have no idea how you do it..i’m bawling at work..i just wanted to jump in and hug him..soooo cute….
witchypoo
Note to self: Don’t read Tanis’ blog unless I’m wearing the waterproof mascara. Beauty. Just beauty.
Vicki
Tanis, I watched the whole video and he is just amazing. I can tell how you really love him soooo much. I cried because I know he’s not with you here in this world anymore. I am so glad that you have that video. I wish you could have had a million others. I would gladly have given you a camcorder if I had known you then. I am glad that your friend called you about it. I hope that you have contacted the hospital to see if they still have the unedited version of that footage. The parts between the takes where you’re just being with him. I think that is just what you needed right now was a little ray of sunshine from your Bug…
TJ
Wouldn’t you know that it pauses for loading whenever you and Bug are on! How precious to have this footage. Thank you so much for sharing with us!
My friend’s 8 month old is in the hospital right now for testing. Your post and her ordeal really hits home how precious our children are.
southernfriedgirl
I have been reading you for a short time but don’t believe I have ever commented.
How wonderful that you got this gift. I’m sure you will treasure it.
Heather
I have to stop watching because I just can’t cry at work anymore. He’s so sweet. I’m so happy you have this footage. What a gift.
SciFi Dad
I’m so happy for you that you have this footage. I can’t begin to imagine what it means to you, lipstick-less and all.
Mama V
Wow Tanis… This must be such a treasure to you… I’m so glad you found it!
Chicky Chicky Baby
This is fantastic! I’m so happy for you, hon. That is truly a gift.
And I wasn’t looking at your haircut at all. I was concentrating on that cute little boy and your adorable accent.
Becky
You look sexxy and more importantly, Bug looks adorable. What a wonderful surprise for you.
Adam
This is wonderful….I’m very happy for you.
Adam
http://adam-finch.eachday.com
Rebecca
Oh, boy. This one did it for me. I am a blubbering mess. I have been a lurker on your site for ages but have never commented. Your posts have always brought me a good laugh or a tear to my eye but the video footage you have shared with all of us has knocked me to my knees. What an amazing gift to have. He was truly beautiful. And when he gave you a kiss… well, I had to pause the video. My little two year old kept asking, “Mom, what’s wrong?!?” All I could do was give her a big hug and tell her how much I love her. I also have a 5 year old and one on the way… Kids really are the most precious beings.
I agree with a previous poster: you should most definitely contact the hospital to inquire about getting all of the raw footage from that day.
XOXO,
~Rebecca
Darcie
I think your hair looks great! I once sported the same haircut though, so perhaps I’m biased.
How terrific that you found video footage of Bug!! Per my request, my aunt (whose husband had always video taped family get-togethers) put together a compilation of video footage of my dad, as well as my grandparents and uncle – all of whom had passed away by the time she made it – and I really treasure it. It’s the only recording I have of my dad’s voice.
Bug was a real treasure. You can see from his actions how much he loved his mommy. *sniffle*
Tamm
I’ve been reading your blog a long time now but never commented. My precious Skye passed away 27 months ago today. I had few videos of her that were lost for 2yrs. After much prayer they were found and returned to me a few months ago…..seeing her and I together was so healing! I know the bittersweet joy it is to finally see a video of your angel. Thank you for sharing him with us. I’m so happy you have this video truly what an unexpected treasure and gift! I really enjoy reading your blog……it’s helped me in my own healing and helped me to realize that there is still joy to be found everyday…….Thanks so much!
Jean
At work, have to stop watching. OMG, how beautiful! I want to jump in and hug him myself. BTW, your hair looked gorgeous. What a treasure!