There are moments in life that are so unexpectedly sweet that when they happen you can’t believe your good fortune and you spend the rest of your day smiling and shooting rainbows out your arse.
Like when you take out an old coat and find a crumpled twenty dollar bill inside a lint filled pocket.
Or when you buy a lottery ticket and actually win something. (Because that is totally possible. They keep handing out those free tickets just to sucker you back in with false hope.)
Or when your daughter scores the only damn goal her team has seen this entire season and it’s made only sweeter because she’s playing against kids four years older than her and twice her size.
So sue me if I jumped up and down, cheering and screaming like a raging soccer mom lunatic. That little victory was hard earned and made sweeter by the ability to brag that it was MY daughter.
Ya. We She rocks.
I love those little unexpected gifts life brings. It’s like finding a pretty little chocolate resting upon on the pillowcase of life. (Okay, so that is a horrible analogy, but I never professed to be a poet.)
Those little nuggets of goodness are all the more sweeter now that we know just how dark life can get. I tend to cherish them harder and hold them closer than I ever did before our son died.
Which is why, when I received a phone call from a dear family friend, I wrapped myself in the unexpected glow of warmth and thanked the Universe itself for my latest unexpected gift.
This gift was even better than watching my daughter’s triumphant smile after her victory on the soccer field. This gift was even more precious than the time I was snooping and found unexpected photos of my son in my friend’s photo album.
This gift made me smile and then weep with joy (and only a bit of sadness). This gift was a reminder of a life once lived, a love forever shared. I can’t believe I didn’t even know it existed before that phone call.
Video footage of my darling Bug. The ONLY video footage that exists in the world because we were too poor during his life to be able to afford a video camera to capture his beautiful soul.
(If only we had a crystal ball back then and knew how important it would be to document his moments. Sigh.)
Now I have him, captured forever alive and cranky and in his glory. For a few brief moments I get to experience my son’s sweet kisses and remember the warm feeling of his sweaty hair and how he clung to me for comfort for a few minutes. Not that I forgot, but it is so wonderful to see it in front of me instead of just inside my head and heart.
Because now I can share it with you.
You never know what sugary surprises life has in store for you.
You also never know when a bad haircut and forgetting to wear any lipstick is going to come back and bite you on the arse.
I’ll just try to over look that. How bout you do the same?
**Note: The video is around four minutes long. Just click play under the big screen at the bottom and his piece will start. **









Carrie
Come on Tanis! You look good!
Shale is just a sweet boy. Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so glad you have this video now.
Chicklet
This was absolutely beautiful. It’s an amazing gift to have found something like that and I’m glad you shared it
Craigaroonie
What they said!!
Hey, I’m 82 in the queue.
I read all the “Missing my Bug” diaries ages ago and took it all on board, and now you spring this on me!!
Thanks for sharing.
You do good work.
Craigaroonie
83!!
Chicklet pushed in!
Jenn @ Juggling Life
You are beautiful and articulate and I’m so happy for you that you have this.
Hillary
How great! And by the way I think the hairdo was cool and you look great without the lipstick – don’t be so hard on yourself!!!
Maria Testa
Thank You for sharing Shale with us. It is nice to see and hear you too!
Hannah
long-time lurker here:
what a sweet video. i think it’s wonderful that even though your little shalebug lived such a short life, he’s going to be an encouragement to countless families with special needs kids who see this video.
cheers
hh in atlanta
Bennie
I am speechless. He is such a beautiful child! Just exactly like you have described him. I love sloppy drooly kisses – I couldn’t help but notice you holding the “towel” in the interview. We always have one handy when we cart Ben around as well.
I am so very thrilled you received this gift. I had no idea that you didn’t have video of Skjel (I know I probably spelled that wrong). Now I must go – there’s something in my eye I need to attend to…
Mama Snyder
hugs
for you and for the bug
and for the time you spent together
Colleen - Mommy Always Wins
What an amazing gift that video is — for your readers as well.
Thank you for sharing.
Kandi
Thank you for sharing your gorgeous gorgeous Son. I came here and read yours and Bugs story and stayed. I didn’t think I could feel any deeper towards your family and your plight, seeing Bug though got me right in the heart. In a bittersweet way! Your a walking angel to be able to do what you do. And very Blessed to be able to do it so well.
Lawyer Mama
Oh, sweetie. Thank you so much for letting me see your gorgeous Shalebug. What a wonderful, wonderful gift for you – to be able to see him again like that.
When he gave you that kiss, I think my heart stopped.
What a beautiful, beautiful boy he was. xoxo
Kyla
Oh, Shalebug. It was great to see him in live action.
Did he get the sundae, T?
I’m so glad you found the video.
Lindsey
Oh Tan(n?)is! What a special video! I didn’t realize until it was over that I was crying…what a sweet Mom you are. Your kids are very lucky to have you. xoxo
terrie
What a beautiful little soul. Thanks for sharing.
Jessica (It's my life...)
Thank you for sharing that with us. It was beautiful. He was beautiful. What a sweet, sweet boy.
Did he ever get to have that Sundae?
Oh, and I don’t know what you’re talking about, you were hawt!
mothergoosemouse
Oh T. Man, that did a number on me. You and he were just amazing.
I’m so glad you have this video.
Tonya
This made me cry tears of happiness for you! Your little Bug is so sweet!
Ken Lawson-Williams
Were you and your son at Stollery in 2003ish? I worked as a PICU and Pede Float pool (mainly Surgery and Cardiology) RN form spring 2003 to fall 2004. Now flying on a Pede/Neo transport team in Portland.
Love the Blog . . . reminds me of life in the Fort and Redwater!