I had an entire post planned today about life with Jumby and how mind trippingly amazing it is to be the mother to this marvelous little boy.
I was, in short, going to bust out the ole mommy for the mommy blog and pen an ode to parenthood and children with disabilities and how the world will one day be a miraculous place when my little Jumby takes his deserved crown and sits on his throne and reigns supreme as Global Overlord and World leader.
Then I was sidetracked. Apparently, I have the attention span of a two year old on crack. My sentimental train of thought crashed through the guard rails, dove off a cliff and exploded in a rather spectacular imaginary bang of fireworks and flames.
Apparently I may have watched way too many episodes of the original Knight Rider as a child.
With my loving and thoughtful post swirling the drain, I am forced to write about what initially caused the train to jump rails in the first place.
(And I’m not talking about the dirty direct messages and clever tweets my twitter friends use regularly in an effort to waste my life force and preempt any lame blog posts I may have planned.
They are a wily lot my tweeples.)
As I was drinking my coffee and crafting the words to make up my next parental ode, I clicked a link and then another (I think we may have established I am easily distracted) until I stumbled onto this:
Pork Brains: Grey Matter from the Other White meat
There are just no words.
All I can say is thank ALL THAT IS GOOD AND SPARKLY IN THE UNIVERSE that my father did not have access to this product as I grew up.
Spam never looked so good.
Even if my father did cut it up and put it in my mac and cheese.
Things can always get worse. It could have been processed brains.
(But oh, how I wish I could get a hold of a can of this just to FREAK my children out. Imagine the horror. Bwhahaha.)
Momo Fali
Shouldn’t they just call it “Dead Sea in a Can”?
PrincessKJ
OMG- my mother used to serve sliced spam with mac’n'cheese when she was being lazy- I still can’t eat either of them. I think it was the textures contrasted with the hot pasta and cold pink stuff. And we’re not even rednecks!
sam {temptingmama}
Tanis, Tanis, Tanis… I have to appauled you my friend.
This is BY FAR the SHORTEST post I have seen here at Attack of the Redneck Mommy.
It’s about fuckin’ time, now I have some hours remaining my my day to do something else rather than read your blog!
*snicker*
kristina
I actually received a can of that stuff as a joke years ago. I was never brave enough to open it up. I did threaten my children with it! I think it was bought in Tennessee at a minimart.
Elisa
Yikes. But still, that’s be really useful if you have unwanted guests and you want to discourage them from staying for dinner – just pull that (immensely disgusting) can out and place it on the counter, and soon they’ll be bidding you and the fam farewell
Glad to hear Jumby is doing well!
Catherine
In my very old Chinese cookbook, there is a story about how a tutor to the emperor (or some other grand fromage) was reminiscing about the tofu his mother used to make – not like the fancy-shmamsy recipes served at court. So they made him a tofu dish that was sooooo delicious that he ventured into the kitchen to complement the chef, where he found a mound of pig carcasses in the corner with their heads split open. They’d given him pork brains rather than peasant-food tofu. So just think, it could be worse, it could be tofu in milk gravy. OMG, I think I’m gonna throw up now…
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
I am glad to hear that Jumby is doing well.
As for the pork brains, I have a story. It’s horrible, but a story no less.
A friend of mine has parents from very small villages in China. The first time I was over at their house, I made sure I did everything they did. I took off my shoes in the doorway, ate my rice with chopsticks, and when they lifted soup bowls to their lips and slurped, so did I.
Which is how it came to be that I saw a fish head, complete with eyes and brain matter still falling out the back staring back at me in my soup.
Gulp.
Emily G
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit…
*shutters*
Tanis, they sell that shit here in every grocery store. I love in North Carolina. If you wanna send me your address I would be *happy* to mail you some!!
As long as you promise to take a picture of your kids when you present them with their lovely after school snack!! 
Let me know!
momma2abbyandgabe@yahoo.com
Linda
You are just a bit twisted. I like it!
gwendomama
okay, but one of my friends recently gave me this
http://www.snarkhunting.com/images/Spotted_Dick475.jpg
and my kids aren’t old enough to torment yet.
dr no
The % daily value for the cholesterol is the kicker. I really could not stop laughing. I did not think that column could accommodate that many digits nor was I aware that a food could be valued so far over 100%!
shonda
Dude, this is fucked up in so many ways I don’t know where to start. First, I guess, would be the cholesterol. Wow, not only gut-wrenchingly gross, it will also give you an instant heart attack.
Whit
Holy crap, everything about that product is revolting. It’s nastier than the stuff you were twittering.
Barbara
I feel sick now.
Anissa@Hope4Peyton
I heard that’s what they’re serving for lunches at BlogHer this year…cut down costs and all that bacon chatter. You want your pork? I got your pork hanging low!
Dana
Oh yuck. That is gross!
Major Bedhead
I think you should get some and serve it along with this:
http://tinyurl.com/cvfcrb
Because that would be awesome.
Candy
Mmmmm. I LOVE to kick off the day with a delicious bowl of pork brains sprinkled with bee larvae.
celeste
You make me miss home (Canadian hiding in San francisco). Anyhow, if you’d like twitted to suck up less time, theoretically, you can add you list to a channel at http://www.yiqyaq.com and listen to the robotish version….
Sarcastic Mom
So, I have to share with you that my dad actually did buy chicken brains and we ate them like scrambled eggs.
Oh yeah. That actually happened AND I admitted in online.
Heh.
<3