With Jumby’s arrival I am once again the parent to a disabled child. In the three years since I’ve been required to tube feed or face a plethora of medical professionals, there has been one aspect of raising a disabled child I hadn’t missed at all.
The stigma that is attached to a disability, to me as a parent of a handicapped child and to my child for being different.
I had forgotten how every time I venture out in public with my child we become the traveling circus, the free freak show for people to pointedly ignore or worse yet cast upon us their stares filled with pity and sorrow.
I didn’t have a choice when Bug was born. Whether I liked it or not, I was initiated into this odd club of parents, where all the members had different stories but one common link. They all had children who the world looked upon as different. They all had to face the looks of sorrow or pity whenever they told the world at large why their child wasn’t ‘normal.’
I didn’t want to be the parent to a different kid, dammit. I wanted to be the mother of the blonde haired, blue eyed baby boy I saw beneath the mask of his disabilities. I couldn’t understand why the world never saw him the way I did: As a remarkable little human being who was just like the rest of us underneath his broken body and mucked up DNA sequences.
Then I learned the secret most people never have the opportunity to discover. The sheer joy involved in having a disabled child in your life.
This time around the parental merry-go-round, I had a choice. I actively chose to bring home a disabled child of my own. I made a choice to deal with every aspect of parenting a special needs child. I signed myself up for the freak show that follows us wherever we go.
I don’t regret it for one second. Our family, our lives are infinitely better with Jumby in it.
But there is a difference with Jumby that is palpably noticeable. A shift in perception that wasn’t visible to our family when we were blessed with Bug’s life. My children were three years younger and a world less mature while Bug breathed. There were things about living with a disabled brother they never noticed because they were too young to remember life without him before he was born.
But death and puberty and time has swirled around them like the perfect storm and given them a clarity of life they once lacked. They see the difference between their bodies and Jumby’s tight twisted little body. They see how difficult it is for Jumby to get through the day as they run and jump and play and take their own healthy bodies for granted.
Even more so, they are keenly aware of people’s reactions to Jumby and to us when we take him out in public. It goes beyond the brown hair and his doey brown eyes. Beyond his cleft chin and the different noses on their faces. They are bonded with Jumby, united by the love the three of them share for one another and they don’t understand why people can’t see past his wheel chair or the way he holds his head to the side to see better, to see the spirit of the boy they so clearly see.
They have witnessed the social disparity between them and it’s left them cold.
It is a lesson I knew they’d learn but one I wish I could shield them from.
I can’t shield my children from this. Unless I choose to live in a bubble but let’s face it, it’s no fun to flash my boobs if no one is watching.
But I can stand up and tell the world to grow up.
To open their eyes and see past their own feelings and issues and take responsibility for their actions and the words they so carelessly toss around.
I can teach my children and the children around me that it is not cool to use the word ‘retard’ to make fun of someone or hammer a point home.
I can teach my children and the children around me that it is okay to touch a disabled person, they aren’t contagious or filled with cooties. (Unless they are homeless and living under a bridge and even then they just need a good de-lousing.)
But can I teach the world around me? The adults?
I don’t know, but I do know that when I’m on twitter I don’t need to innocently click a link and have this image staring back at me:
Surely there is a better way to prove the point you are trying to make than to disparage a community of already challenged people. And don’t tell me you can because you have disabled children yourself. That doesn’t give you a free pass to be ignorant.
How are you protecting and advocating for your family if you are perpetuating this stereotype?
This isn’t cool people. This is so beyond cool my head hurts.
Nor do I need to open up my email and find this in my inbox:
Seriously. Have you met me? Do you know I gave birth to that child you just made fun of? That I just adopted another who would easily become a caricature in someone else’s life if I gave them the opportunity?
I don’t need to read a joke about how it’s National Retarded Day and guess what? I’m it.
Seriously.
That is my family you are making fun of. It’s my sons, my niece, my father-in-law and my friend’s children.
And with a small twist of fate, it could be yours, the same way it became mine.
I can’t change the world or most people in it. The best I can do is set an example for my children and for those around me and educate them to the value a disabled child or adult can bring to a community and to society in general.
You may not agree with me and that’s cool.
It takes all kinds of people to make this world the wonderfully interesting place it is. But if you are going to disparage a community of people who had the misfortune to have more health or mental problems than you can shake a stick at, you had better be prepared for me to bite back hard.
I owe it to Bug, to Jumby, to that man who shuffles his gait down the street because his feet are badly clubbed.
But mostly, I owe it to myself. There is a difference, a line, between what is funny and what is pathetic and rude. I see the difference every time I look in my son’s eyes and see his smile illuminate brighter than a 100 watt bulb.
What I’m having a hard time with is trying to explain to my children why everyone else can’t see it as well.
Don’t make this harder for us, for me, for Jumby.
Or next time I won’t play so nice.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 9:03
I should say, by this article.. you have opened our minds about the reality.. I honestly also made fun of some people like them before when I was younger, but as I grow up.. that’s when I realized how lucky I am to have a complete body and normal in the eyes of people.
Thank you for this.. and well done.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 9:09
You tell ‘em, Tanis. Bravo.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 9:35
I wish I had the strength to take on your challenges. Good for you.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 9:47
AWWW HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
My son is the epitome of beauty. I am told this by everyone. That he is breath taking. Curly blonde hair. The biggest crystal blue eyes. Alabaster skin. And a smile that brings you close then sets you free. He makes me people stop and stare. And then they gawk as he becomes over stimulated and losses control. I’ve been asked “What is WRONG with him?” Or “He doesn’t look like a retard, he just needs more discipline.” I’ve dealt with it patiently but now that he understand what he is saying. I’ve had enough. If your momma hasn’t taught you better. Then I will teach you compassion with my boot up your ass. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING THIS. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR SWEET BABIES
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 10:03
Really well said.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 10:07
There are “funny” jokes about disabilities that prove that we don’t find the disability anything to be overly serious about, and then there are the “unfunny” jokes. Those pictures that use REAL LIVE HUMAN BEINGS and turn them into jokes? Ugh. How would their creators feel if someone was spreading things like that with their child’s picture on them? Or with their picture on them? Mocking the person’s size, weight, eye shape, nose, or whatever mock-worthy attribute the person has?
The people that made those images should feel enough shame to go jump off a cliff. And the people that forward them? Jeez. Grow up already.
That said.. Siblings.. I grew up different. My sibling’s reactions to the stupidity of other people sometimes hurt me more than the reactions of the stupid people. They KNEW me. They knew that what the other people were reacting to was NOT the truth about me. It hurt that they were so hurt by the stupidity of strangers, because it felt like for a few moments all they could see was the parts of me that were something to pity.
People stare. At things that are different. Neutral-different, bad-different, beautiful-different. We stare at the people that can jump the highest, that can dance the best. We pity those that are different in ways that we perceive “lesser”, often not realizing the attributes that they have that we should envy.
Sadly, as the disabled kid of normal parents with normal siblings, it took me a long time and a kid of my own to learn this. Everyone in my family reacted with anger and hurt to the stupidity of others. I think that having experienced the stupidity first-hand my reaction would be more in the direction of feeling sorry for them, because they’re facing the world with a much more narrow understanding of things, and can’t see the beauty past what they perceive as a blemish. Poor sorry daft fools.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 10:14
I don’t have the experiences you have had.
But you know how I feel about the general topic.
Thank you, Tanis, for putting it out there in so many words, and offering the added quality and knowledge that your experiences have given you.
Love you & your family as much as a slightly distant internet stalker/friend can.
<3
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 11:50
Definitely the pity and sorrowful stares are the worst!
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 12:57
I agree with you wholeheartedly. Those pictures make me want to spit.
My oldest has autism, and though he looks “normal”, once he talks (at about a 2-year-old level, though he’s 5 and tall for his age, to boot) I get the stares and pity looks, and “typical” kids pretty much treat him like crap. One bonus of autism, for me anyway, is that my child is sweet and kind regardless of who you are. I think I’d rather have an autistic child than a “typical” bully.
One of the things that really sticks in my craw is when people joke about “the short bus”. It makes me want to shout “Hey! That’s my kid on there, and he’s smart and beautiful and creative and not stupid at all!”
That’s a big problem: people equating “retarded” with “stupid”. Not the same thing at all.
Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I know it’s meant a lot to me.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 13:00
Also, to the parents who want to know what to say to their children, there was an excellent article about exactly that in April’s issue of Parents magazine, called “Little Kids, Big Mouths”.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 14:55
AMEN!! My older sister has cerebral palsy and I will say that it is challenging growing up when you are so fiercly protective of your sibling and also trying to understand why you get the stares and why some people laugh and point. It is harsh lesson to learn at a young age that some people are simply awful.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 15:47
Thanks for writing this post. I HATE the word “retard” the same way I can’t stand it when people use the “n word” or “fag”… but I am ashamed to tell you that I don’t stand up to people who use these words as an insult.
One of my close friends says it ALL THE TIME, and I never have the courage to stand up to her… but after reading about your life… I just might have to suck it up and tell her to shut it… at the very least around me.
Thanks, Tanis. Your children have had some very hard lessons to learn, but they will be better adults because of it, and you should be very proud of that.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 16:23
Sorry that people are so rude! Why they have to make themselves feel better by doing this I will never understand!! Luckily the world has lovely people like you who see past the things others can’t to love that child with your whole heart.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 17:17
When I read these things it support my wanting to be a recluse..for the most part I hate…people..
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 19:12
How come you are so amazing? Wait… I know, it’s because you are a truly wonderful and loving human being. I admire you for that! It is my wish that I can be the mom that you are one day. Thank you.
Thursday, 12 March, 2009 at 21:02
I had to delurk to comment.
Wonderful post. I am not a parent, but I can tell you that I have never had a more rewarding experience than volunteering at the NYS Games for the Physically Challenged. Those kids and their parents are AMAZING. You could not fail to feel proud of every single participant. It’s an incredibly uplifing and inspirational experience.
These unbelievably rude people have no idea how pure of heart the “challenged” really are. It’s sad. I’ve had a friend suggest to me that disabled people are the presence of God on earth. I think he’s right.
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 6:28
I’d like to make you required reading in all American high schools (except for maybe the purple dildo thing). Is that okay? When I’m queen of the world, can I make everyone read your words and understand that it’s not okay to treat people as less than you because you feel less than them?
I hope so, because I’ll be queen and I’m not sure I’ll give you a choice.
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 6:32
You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/03/five-star-friday-edition-45.html
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 6:41
Canadian ones too. I didn’t mean it that way. I just say that all time.
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 7:27
As someone who went to college with a good number of people with physical and learning disabilities, I say good for you. I have definitely used the word retarded incorrectly sometimes (although I try not to) but I would never stoop to use the images that you have come across above. They are just cruel. And not funny either. Making fun of somebody for ACTING or SAYING something lacking sense is funny. Making fun of somebody who does not have intellectual capabilities is not funny.
I’ve also learned that people with disabilities are just people. They have overcome really difficult circumstances, yes. But sometimes (or a lot of times) they have bad days. And sometimes they are not going to be saints and uber-patient. Neither are their caregivers. So one bad experience or encounter (or two or three) is no way to judge all people in their curcumstance. OK- done preaching. But I love this topic, it is one that needs to be addressed MUCH more frequently.
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 9:43
Well said. I think you are the perfect mom for Jumby and this post is EXACTLY why – you are a fiercely protective woman who treats all of her children equally. You rock!
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 9:43
That first picture really pisses me off – it takes a real asshole to turn a picture of a beautiful kid into something so awful.
I used to provide daily respite care for a little guy with Down’s – once I got to know and love him, I couldn’t even see it in him – he just looked like himself – a sweet, affectionate kid who liked to play on the swings and drive his trucks in the sand like all the other kids.
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 11:21
People can be snarky and silly without being cruel. Never understood why people have to go to those dark, idiotic and downright mean places.
I hear you and consider me one of the thousands that got you and your family’s back.
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 11:41
Tanis – thank you. I have a disability, it’s physical but even still I know exactly what you mean by the stares of pity and the avoiding eye contact. I’ve also worked with Special Needs youth and adults for 4 years of my life, I’ve made many friends who aren’t “normal” and I have a blast with them whenever we’re together. They are amazing people and it really floors me that there are some out there who can’t see what I see when I look at my friends with special needs. It floors me that they won’t even take the TIME to get to know someone who is a little different.
It really floors me that my older sisters have a lot of difficulty doing this. My own family who grew up with me and watched what I went through when someone stared or pointed or made a rude comment regarding my disability. My parents try to tell me that some people just “don’t have it in them to understand” and that I should understand that and allow them to not be “like me” in the knowledge that although everyone is different, everyone should be treated equally and NO ONE should be left out or ridiculed.
But I hate that. I don’t believe it at all. I don’t honestly believe that someone could be so ignorant and heartless as to not take the time to get to know someone, differences and all. I actively speak against this sort of thing all the time – to friends who use the word “retard” to prove a point, or laugh at someone for being different.
My children will NEVER look upon another human being with distaste, or avoid looking at someone because they are different. They will not be afraid to touch a person because that person has a disability of some sorts. They will never use the word “retarded” to prove a point. They will not exclude a classmate because that classmate has a mental or physical disability. And if they do, it will reflect MY parenting skills.
I dislike it when a parent sits there and says “well I can’t change my kids opinions, I can’t teach them empathy” because that’s bull. And ya, there are some who tell their kids that it’s wrong to treat people that way, but then they turn around and do the same thing and guess what? Those kids see it. So they think it’s okay.
It’s not okay, and it makes me sad
WOAH. Sorry about the long ass comment! :O
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 13:47
Very well said. My toddler goes to a day care where children with special needs are fully integrated with the “typicals,” and I’m so grateful that he gets to have friends who are different than him.
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 14:34
Excellent post. I read every single comment and I am just amazed at the number of people who said they have thoughtlessly used the word and now know better.
YOU have changed the world. At least your own electronic corner of it. Awesome!
(Not even counting Backpacking Dad and anyone else giving up the word fucktard – because, yep, that one is just as bad.)
From another special needs family, thank you!
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 15:11
Thank you so much for this post. I have been a lurker for a long time. Congratulations on your adoption of Jumby. He is very lucky to have such a wonderful family and I know you are lucky too, to have an amazing person join your family.
I have a son with a disability. He has autism. I often feel like the traveling circus show whenver we go anywhere. He looks totally “normal” but his behavior is not. I see people look and judge and I know what they are thinking – he is just a really “bad” “weird” kid.
My protectiveness has been embarassing at times. I have said and done things in response to others that I am not proud of.
Our community of mommy’s, Daddy’s and famlies need you in our community. Thank you for all you do and for bringing this issue to light.
My autistic/disabled child is amazing in every way. He is the greatest joy of my life and I wish others could see his amazing spirit just as I do.
Emily
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 16:28
my son has autism – he looks ‘normal’ yet attracts a fair bit of attention for his behaviour (although far less than he used to). i am so sick of people who cannot see past the condition to see the person that he is. jumby has fallen on his feet (or his wheels!) in joining your family. hugs to all of you.
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 18:10
Unbelievable. Fantastic Post…
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 18:24
Thank you for this. For reminding me to stop using a word that to me does not mean people – it means to me the people that are making fun of them – so flippantly. Thank you for reminding me that just because we are different doesn’t mean that we have to act like cavemen, in the way we talk. So what if Jumby’s different? So what if any child or person is different physically, mentally or emotionally? We just need to learn to treat each other like people and watch our mouths.
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 19:23
I agree 100%. I have a mentally and physically disabled uncle and hearing this word has always bothered me. And those jokes – so incredibly hurtful. Why should we have to even explain this to anyone – it should be obvious. The ignorance of some people is baffling.
Friday, 13 March, 2009 at 22:19
You said it!
My nephew has Downs Syndrome and has trouble speaking but has always loved talking to people. It still floors me when I see people pretending they can’t hear him saying “hi” to them … or worse .. crossing the street so that they don’t have to suffer the “horror” of actually having to say “hi” back to him. He really really doesn’t have cooties (well not at the moment because everyone in the household got de-nitted recently), he won’t bite or hit and all he wants is for someone to say “Hi” to him and make him feel like part of the community.
Its only us really lucky ones who get to see him do his physical comedy routine, ’cause he’s got a killer sense of humour!
Saturday, 14 March, 2009 at 10:05
We deal with this on a slightly different level – my daughter in Chinese and as, it still seems to be acceptable to me fun of Asians, we’re constantly having to “remind” people that, no matter how funny they think they are, they’re being racist.
Jake, my 12 year old, kept getting facebook quizzes sent to him titled, “How Asian Are You?” and they had questions along the lines of: Are you good at the violin? A bad driver? Can you do nails?
He finally got so fed up that he changed his status to “Jake has a Chinese sister. He’s pretty Asian.”
As for “retard”… well, that’s another group of people we seem to accept jokes about. My goddaughter has Downs and it pisses me off to no end that people still make “short bus” jokes.
Saturday, 14 March, 2009 at 13:01
Tanis,
). Tell your kids to ignore the ignorant people that they meet and love Jumby for who they know his is and not worry about what anyone else thinks. You guys rock.
You and your family are perhaps the most amazing people that I have never met. I know exactly what your kids are going through with the whole going out in public with a disabed sibling thing, because I was them about 10 years ago. I remember being mortified and embarassed of my brother during late elementary school to early high school and completely annoyed at the blatent stares and funny looks that we got in a store. My brother has down syndrome along with autism and a whole soup of mental disabilities that make living with him sometimes the hardest thing that my family does.
The fact that you and your family chose to welcome another disabled child into your home after the loss of your son, makes you guys super awesome and I can’t even tell you how much I respect you for it (nipple rings and all
Saturday, 14 March, 2009 at 17:49
I’m nauseated after looking at those pictures. To think that our kids would be exploited this way. This is easily one of the best posts I’ve ever read on this subject.
\o/ Rock on and keep writing…
Saturday, 14 March, 2009 at 20:33
Amen.
Saturday, 14 March, 2009 at 21:01
Tanis, I met your Bug and I hope you didn’t think I stared b/c I felt pity or distaste. I stared b/c I thought he was beautiful. His spirit shone through despite his difficulty in expressing himself. I just wanted to add that perhaps when people (children AND adults) stare, they are staring because they want to know more, but don’t know what to say. I have not met many disabled people over my life, and I know that I have stared but it wasn’t out of pity or distaste, it was b/c I was curious and I wanted to ask a dozen questions but didn’t know if I should or if it was proper. I am more comfortable now b/c I have had more “experience” but if I stare or look a moment longer it’s b/c I would love to have a chat, but the location or time does not allow that chance. I don’t know if I’ve communicated my thoughts well enough, but wanted to share none-the-less.
Sunday, 15 March, 2009 at 12:30
Well said.
“I can’t change the world or most people in it. The best I can do is set an example for my children and for those around me and educate them to the value a disabled child or adult can bring to a community and to society in general.”
That’s where I’m at.
I have never seen or received ANYTHING like what you showed. I am at a loss for saying anything that might add to what you said.
Sunday, 15 March, 2009 at 18:36
You are so awesome! I commend your great heart & ability to so eloquently post this can of whoop ass!
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 3:31
Oh, Tanis.
This post was PERFECT.
PER. FECT.
xo
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 7:49
what i find interesting about blog-world is how willing you all are to accept other people’s discriminations. you say “if you don’t agree, that’s cool.” i’ve noticed a lot of bloggers use this kind of diplomacy. but the truth is discrimination is NEVER OKAY. fuck diplomacy, it is not okay ever to condone the type of prejudice you talked about in this post. i just wish you and other bloggers would stand up and own that position.
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 7:55
This scares me. How people act blows my friggin’ mind. What you talk about in this post, the sheer ignorance and sometimes blatant discrimination, is the one thing that scared the crap out of me when I was pregnant with my first – bringing a child into a world filled with stupid people.
Yeah, I’m not sure what, if anything, will change the person who send that to you in your inbox or the person who provided that asanine link on Twitter but I wish something would.
I guess all we can do like you said is educate our own kids and our own sphere and that’s a start.
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 12:10
Tanis,
I’m a big girl….fat, plus sized whatever. I’m offering to sit on whatever asshole sent you those tweets.
I have my own blog, but I just can’t seem to put my feelings into words as you do. You have a gift and I’m forever grateful you use it.
I have 3 children. All 3 of them are on the autism spectrum. It really pisses me off when we get the sideshow stares. In my experience, it is adults who have the most problems with someone who is different. I insisted my oldest (he’s 19) be educated in an inclusionary setting. Our school system threw a fit and wanted to wait until he was in first grade before doing that. I won and it was the best thing that ever happened to him. The kids just took them under their wing and loved him. When these kids come home from college, they stop by and take him out. He has 350 friends on Facebook.
Adults really have to grow up and get over themselves.
Congratulations on Jumby and God Bless.
Monday, 16 March, 2009 at 16:03
I hate the R word. I really do. It’s not okay, at all.
Thank you for this post.
Tuesday, 17 March, 2009 at 9:43
THANK YOU!
Your voice has been heard.
Tuesday, 17 March, 2009 at 16:13
i’ve worked with intellectually disabled (that’s the newest term)adults for 23 years now, and in a way, i get it. there’s always a fool out there saying something stupid in public. that said, my husband and son both have a good number of mental health issues: add, adhd, tourette, odc, anxiety and panic disorders, depression and anger mgt issues. when you pitch them all together in two people, they are a handful. i have dysthymia and sad. one of the ways we cope is to make mental health ‘lunatic’ jokes to each other. but we NEVER make jokes about other people. my son corrects kids who do this. always open your mouth and say something when you hear bad things. some people just need to be educated. you and your kids will make more of a difference than you know.
Saturday, 21 March, 2009 at 22:22
I have Asperger’s Syndrome, I’m 27. I still live at home with my parents, which I don’t mind at all, compared to how I felt after high school. When it seemed like all the cool kids were moving out or going to college. Now I know, the reality is they had parents who think raising a child should come with a set time limit. You turn 18, buh-bye! Good luck! Hope you don’t end up on that Girls Gone Wild thing!
I think parents who have disabled children, understand how completely insane that is, not just for disabled kids, but for NT (neurotypical, a.k.a “normal) kids as well. You hear all the time, that these kids cling to a most likely negative peer group, after being basically thrown into the world with no actual skills with how to deal with it.
I’ve heard in most other countries it’s more normal for kids to live at home with their parents, it seems to be another American trend that has become a societal problem. We really should learn to listen to other countries and cultures, yeah?
Those images make me angry too, but I try and think about how completely sad and pathetic someone has to be to target people who are truly suffering. Then I think, what a miserable life it would be, having to depend on finding other people you can make miserable in order to find happiness.
Really having to live a life, where your only goal is to see how miserable you can make others, in my opinon isn’t a life. It’s a travesty of a life. Sure you can say, well do you know these people’s pasts, what if they were abused, ect. Does it really matter?
I personally would rather put up with my Hyperacusis (sensitivity to sudden loud noises) and my issues with my Asperger’s Syndrome, than be a cold uncaring, broken person. Who perhaps could be a sociopath.
If you’ve seen the show Most Evil from the Investigation Discovery channel, you realize that sociopaths aren’t born they’re created. The people who make these images most likely have some characteristic, that is involved with a diagnoses of sociopathy. For one, the clear lack of empathy is a major issue.
Also, there are kids who are trying to be cool with their friends, and may not really understand how hurtful this is. I know, being a tomboy, that there is an insane amount of peer pressure amongst guys. I mean, you have to wear the right clothes, speak the right language. It makes me feel that it’s almost a shame more Aspies are born male than female, cause at least girls will give each other a break once in awhile.
The Special Olympics is hosting a global campaign to end the use of the R world:
http://www.r-word.org/
Sunday, 22 March, 2009 at 20:54
I just want to give you kudos on this blog. I heard about your blog on CNN. I am also a mother of a special needs child. My son “Trey” is 4 1\2 years old he weighs 20 pounds, we often get looks and comments and at times it is very stressful, but its worth every minute of it, stressful or not. I would not take anything for my precious little angel…He is full of so much personality, and he has nothing but love for everyone. I just want to say thank you for standing up for all of us.
People should be more considerate and caring, think before you speak people! YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MAY HEAR YOU! Our children are not “retards” THEY ARE PRECIOUS LITTLE CHILDREN!
Tuesday, 24 March, 2009 at 9:59
I don’t know how I missed this post but seriously thank you for writing. This should be a must read for all!
Tuesday, 24 March, 2009 at 14:10
Tanis, if I may be so bold as to use your first name. I recently discovered your website and blog and I must applaude you for your honesty and sense of Humour. I must also applaude you and your Husband on your spirit and your willingness to be better human beings. To adopt a child with unique challenges is something that I had always thought of doing and never had the courage or the wherewithal to do. I have in my career hired challenged people and spent considerable time and care teaching them the ways of doing their new jobs. My reward has always been the smiles and the joy they find in doing and being part of a “regular” (I use the word only to illustrate my point) Job. I amazes me at how quickly the rest of the people that work with thier new friends come to accept them and soon start treating them no different than the rest of the people working there. Which just goes to show that for all the differences these special people may exhibit, they are no different from anyone else and in fact are more special because they try harder and a more often proud of their accomplishments everyday, unlike the rest who take it for granted that what we so everyday is not that note worthy.
So to you who has more courage and fortitude than I (and where I able to do it over again, I know I would find the courage and the fortitude) I thank you for your blog and for the love you and your husband share with us.