There comes a time in every parent’s life when they have to take their kids on a road trip.
Today is my day.
I’m facing a six hour drive, alone in the vehicle with a dog and three children and no husband to provide a buffer between us.
It’s going to get ugly.
I do this, because well, I have rocks for brains. And because Jumby has yet to meet his cousins and his aunt and it’s time.
I do this because having 13 children, six adults and one dog under one 1200 square foot house’s roof sounds like some bizarre insane torture technique fun.
I do this because I am determined my status as the world’s coolest auntie.
I do this because Boo’s family love me more and if we ever divorce I get custody of them and he can go find a new family.
Today, I’m hitting the road with my Go Girl in hand and wind at my back.
In six hours from now, I’m sure I’ll be banging my head against the side window while my children try and claw their way out, looking for an escape.
Wish me luck peoples.
And if you wouldn’t mind, share with us all your most horrifying road trip stories. It’ll amuse me when I am finally able to free myself from the vehicle and hide from my children with a bottle of wine that had better be waiting for me when I get to my inlaw’s house.
Have a great weekend everyone and pray for me.
Steve
Looking back, I have to say it was easier traveling with the nipple nuzzlers, than with the teenagers.
Anissa@Hope4Peyton
GIRL! You may not know that my husband has lived 8 hours away for over 15 months. I can’t even tell you how many times my eyes have filled with tears and my soul with dread as I looked at a van loaded up with suitcases and kid paraphernalia…and still managed to get in, AND miraculously got us all there alive.
You did it! I’m so proud of you.
Twill
After tiring of dooce.com, I found my way to your blog. The first post had me peeing my pants (literally!) See, I have real urination issues. I have the typical laugh/sneeze dribble lots of other moms have but my real issue is that I can’t go in the water when out boating. I literally use disposable cups and throw them overboard. The go-girl had me at hello. Plus, your writing is pretty damn funny also. Ahh, a new cyberstalking friendship…
Pallavi
After reading all those comments, and seeing your tweets… praying for Boo. Hope the awesome dude gets back home soon.
amy @ bitchin' wives club
So glad that Boo is OK and that you all are back home!
Hey– I don’t know what you do with awards these days… but I gave you one today! And it was partially inspired by you, because I adore your honesty and the hilarity that you bring to the web every time you post. You are a fabulous writer and person! So go check it out if you get a chance to get away from your frisky patient.
Kelly
Good luck! My worst road trip was actually in my own city! I am from “the city” aka Minneapolis. I have my bank in Minneapolis. It’s a local, I like to keep it local. It’s a pain in my ass.
I now live three cities away. A trip to the bank is somewhat of a trek. Well, my three year old got carsick. I guess I had the heat up too high. About 1/2 a mile from home he said, “Mom, my mouth tastes yucky.” Had to pull over in a parking lot.
Now every time we drive by there he says, “Mommy, someone parked in my puke!”
Barbara
Blimey. Good luck. And thanks for enlightening me in the way of the portable toilet (for girls.)
Elizabeth Kaylene
You get a million points for incorporating the Go Girl in this post.
Kelley
Oh I have a story for you babe. Oh BOY do I have a story.
Best it wait till you are safely home and not planning on any more trips.
Oh yeah. It is THAT kind of story.
HeatherN3Boys... and a girl!
When I was… maybe 10? my step-mom took me to Ohio from North Carolina to see family. We’d made the trip before and I considered myself a pretty good child-traveller. Anyway, we stopped for gas and munchies and my oh-so-cool mom let me pick my own snack. Being 10, I chose Cooler Ranch Doritos and Yoo-Hoo… You know, the nasty not-milk chocolate milk… At this point in the trip, we were in the mountains… Not long after devouring my tasty snack, said snack was, um, revisited, all over the car, the roadside, and probably me and Mom. Awesome, huh? I totally need to call my mom..
DawnMarie
You know, a true redneck doesn’t need a “device” to piss when a bathroom isn’t available. Trust me, I have peed everywhere from the midwest to the east coast and back (and even once on a drunk bender in vegas, but that’s another story)
Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com
Good luck!!
I hope Jumby enjoys the weekend =)
Amy S.
We make a five-hour trip to see grandparents regularly with 3 kids. Once when they were 3, 2 and about 6 months we thought we’d drive after dinner so they would sleep–we’d arrive at the hotel around 1 a.m., we thought, and “transfer” them one by one to the room, and maybe they’d sleep through. Well, you know where this is going. We fed them a nice big dinner, packed them up, they slept beautifully for hours, we pulled up at 1 a.m. as planned, my husband goes inside to register and then looks back to see me waving at him madly. When I went around to open the car door on the three carseats, the 6-month-old woke up just enough to start projectile vomiting copiously all over the car, herself, me, brothers. . .all that great macaroni and cheese from dinner . . I couldn’t even get near her to help. Naturally once she stopped puking she started to howl. Nobody slept till 4.
Nikki
I’m a long time lurker but just had to comment! I’ve been on a few trips with the kids by myself. The first major one was when I just had my oldest. It was pretty smooth. 20 hours on a flight from San Antonio, Texas to Frankfurt Germany. He was only 4 months old at the time. However, the airlines miss placed my reservation on the connecting flight. Luckily they found it before the plane left.
The second was when I left Germany and traveled to Detroit. He was 2 1/2, I was 3 months pregnant and the connecting flight was in Paris. I managed with the help of a fellow American. I only had 1 hour to find my next gate. Oh and we had to travel the length of the airport, going through about 6 security checks. Oh and I had a stroller…because I thought that would make it easier…2 carry on bags and 2 cats that had to be taken out of their carriers to go through security at every freaking check point. The weirdest part of the flight was that I had an Arabic guy in his 50s hitting on me in front of his 4 kids, wife, and mother in law offering to get me a small bottle of wine. He also asked for my phone number right before we landed.
The last major trip I took was from Detroit to San Antonio. This time I had 2 kids. Ages 4 and just under 2. It was a smooth take off but the kids were scared. We sat next to an older lady that seemed to take up 2 seats but was very sweet and understanding. A lot of turblence. And during the landing my youngest decided it was best to loose his lunch. I’m considering traveling by car next time.