There comes a time in every parent’s life when they have to take their kids on a road trip.
Today is my day.
I’m facing a six hour drive, alone in the vehicle with a dog and three children and no husband to provide a buffer between us.
It’s going to get ugly.
I do this, because well, I have rocks for brains. And because Jumby has yet to meet his cousins and his aunt and it’s time.
I do this because having 13 children, six adults and one dog under one 1200 square foot house’s roof sounds like some bizarre insane torture technique fun.
I do this because I am determined my status as the world’s coolest auntie.
I do this because Boo’s family love me more and if we ever divorce I get custody of them and he can go find a new family.
Today, I’m hitting the road with my Go Girl in hand and wind at my back.
In six hours from now, I’m sure I’ll be banging my head against the side window while my children try and claw their way out, looking for an escape.
Wish me luck peoples.
And if you wouldn’t mind, share with us all your most horrifying road trip stories. It’ll amuse me when I am finally able to free myself from the vehicle and hide from my children with a bottle of wine that had better be waiting for me when I get to my inlaw’s house.
Have a great weekend everyone and pray for me.
steff
we have many road trip stories – my favorite – we were pulled over the side of the road because our son got car sick – he was maybe 15mos – well we stripped him down and cleaned him up, left him in the car, while we cleaned out his car seat – all of a sudden we hear click – little bugger locked us out of the car, keys were inside on the passenger seat. It took us at least 10 min to coerce him to unlock doors.
Broklynite
Heh. When I was a kid, not too many people in New York had cars. My family was extremely close with another one (to the point that we were all brothers and sisters and parents were interchangable- going off a tangent here, it’s a really lovely way to live, and we are all still very close. my family is very small- no cousins or anything so it was a nice way to get an extra couple of sisters and all). My father would take us on long roadtrips together. By us I mean myself, my brother and 2-3 sisters, mother, aunt, and uncle. Not in a minivan but usually in a sedan. If we were lucky, we might get a minivan or a station wagon. I remember one year we drove to florida, my father driving non-stop. So many stories to tell, but I think the one that sticks out in my mind the most was one time, on our way home, we got pulled over by a cop for speeding (you try driving new york to florida without speeding when you can’t afford a hotel). The cop comes up and talks to my father.
Cop: “Sir, did you know you were travelling 87 miles per hour?”
My father (genuinley surprised, and a little pleased): “I was? Really? I didn’t think she had it in her” (her being the broken down POS volkswagon we rode in)
Cop looks at my father being serious, looks in the back seat at the screaming children and yelling adults, looks back at my father, realizes what is going on and sighs. He shakes his head, then tears us the ticket, patting my father on the shoulder and walks back to his car to drive away.
Domestic Extraordinaire
Driving cross country when Giggles was 19 months old to move to San Diego from Orlando. Hubby was already in San Diego as he was transferred there months earlier and his stupid CO wouldn’t give him leave to help me drive the thousands of miles. Shortly into the trip I stopped at a hotel overnight, when we left I put my purse on top of the car and then drove away. A trucker saw the purse fly off the roof of my car and stopped picked it up and followed me for three hours-getting really close and flashing his lights and motioning for me to pull over. I decided that he must be a serial killer preying on young mothers so I just drove faster. When we got to our next destination-lunch. I found that I didn’t have my purse or any money. I then drove back to the hotel (hours) to get my purse. They didn’t have it, I was sure that the seedy lady who seemed a little too anxious stole it and all of my traveler’s checks. The trucker called my great aunt in New Mexico because her number was the only number in my purse. Well, she thought the trucker had kidnapped me because he claimed to have my purse and wanted to know where to send it. It was crazy, crazy. I lost my purse in FL, it got shipped to Ohio, then overnighted to my great aunt’s house in New Mexico where I picked it up. At the time I was a smoker-the whole trip I kept getting carded. When I got my purse back no one seemed interested in looking at my ID. Oh and the whole trip Giggles at ketchup packets because that is the only way I could keep her entertained in the car.
Fun times! Sorry this was so long-hopefully you get a laugh.
Somedayphd
Driving from Wa to AK. Somewhere in the Yukon territory I really had to pee and refused to stop the car for pictures because I could see a portapotty close by. Who cares if a lone wolf was trotting majestically across the ice of some lake. I argued, truthfully, it would be remembered better if we didn’t take a picture.
erin
My little guy and I took a road trip from Salt Lake City to Sacramento by ourselves when he was just a wee lad of not quite 3. I was a mess because the husband had just jetted away for 3 months of Air Force training, but otherwise you really couldn’t expect a 10 hour drive with an autistic toddler to go any better. We were stuck in traffic in Reno for several hours though, the highlight of which was watching the woman in the car in front of us blow the driver.
Blonde Goddess
We have been making the two day trip from West Virginia to Maine for the past 16 years with our four kids!
Yes…Dramamine is my friend.
Bush Babe (of Granite Glen)
Just read your Twitter Tanis – everything crossed for you guys. Hoping the next news is good news…
Hugs
BB
Susan Powers
I also got the twitter about Boo. Praying madly for all of you. You so deserve peace and joy, not this torment.
Allyson I'll fly, thank you Sorenson
Oh boy, this one’s easy for me. In 2000 I moved from Virginia Beach, VA to Bangor, Maine after my divorce. It was me, my then 3 year old autistic daughter Hallee, my ancient siamese cat Charlie and everything we owned in the world being pulled behind my car in a U-Haul. Now first of all, the U-Haul has huge “45 mph” warnings pasted all over it. Apparently the hitch attachment isn’t guaranteed to hold up over 45 mph. Have you driven on I-95 lately? Ever? Yeah, exactly…75 mph is considered slow on I-95. So I’ve got the hugely aggitated autistic toddler, a howling, yowling pissed off and pissing, as a matter of fact, older than dirt siamese cat and the car shaking like it has Parkinsons disease because I’m driving faster than the aforementioned 45 mph.
The first day we went from VA to Cherry Hill, NJ, where we spent the night with a kindly aunt who was willing to have us park on her front lawn because I was afraid to try reversing the car/U-Haul combo. Oh, did I mention that due to my total lack of directional ability, we went over the Tapanzee (sp?) bridge 3 times? Yes, we did. I had to pay 3 times for a car pulling a trailer. That was pretty fucking awful. Day two found me stopped at a small mom and pop garage waiting for Gomer to try to figure out why the break lights weren’t working on the U-Haul. (The nice state trooper in CT was nice enough to pull me over and inform me that my lights were out on the U-Haul) 3 hours later, we were back on the road. We pulled into Augusta, Maine late that night and arrived in Bangor the next morning. To this day I haven’t taken another road trip. If I can’t fly, we don’t go. Period.
Angela
I’ve got a 10-hour trip on Friday, with only 2 children. But they’re 4.5 and almost 2. And the almost 2 is potty training and WILL NOT use a diaper. I’m dreading dragging the two of them into the myriad of nasty bathrooms that I’m sure we’ll discover.
My thoughts are with you this weekend. Especially after hearing about BOo. Hope all is well! Thinking about you!
witchypoo
Read your tweet, sending healing energy to all.
Susan Powers
So relieved to hear Boo is doing better. Hope there is a big old bottle of wine wherever you are tonight. God Bless!
perpstu
Good Lord, you are full of the crazy! Good luck and I hope everyone makes it there and back intact!
Aimee Greeblemonkey
I know you tweeted there were some awesome stories here but would you believe we’ve have nothing but awesome on all our roadtrips? In fact, Declan’s behavior gets BETTER on the road.
[Maybe that's the weirdest story of them all.]
just beth
when I was fourteen, my family (four siblings and our parents) went on a road trip up the ‘Mother Load’ (where all those fuckers got rich off of gold in california… whoopdee fucking doo), and I got my period. For the first time.
I was too afraid that I was going to bleed all over the pool ala Blue Lagoon or that someone would see my tampon string to go swimming. In the summer. In the desert.
Oh, and? I get carsick.
I hope yours was better, love.
xo
b.
Sue
You are way brave. I’m not sure if you survived because it’s Monday. And you aren’t back yet. Oh man.
Marya
I don’t do long road trips with my kids…guaranteed panic attack!
Slick
Hey girl, I’m back….
Last year, we took an 18 hour road trip with all 4 of our children. While I had my wife there with me to assist in beating and torturing the kids, it was freakin’ hell.
We’re doing it again this year…
Hailstorm Hayley
*snort* the old road trip hey?! LOL GOOD LUCK WITH THAT!
Im from a family of 4 kids. Squashed in the back of an old 70’s something model ford (you know the ones with the vinyl roof – HAWT!) ANY time we went ANYWHERE the oldest would spit ‘don’t touch me don’t look at me don’t talk to me don’t breath on me don’t think about me’ …. All before we had left the driveway. A lil’ tricky when you’ve got 4 kids on the backseat to avoid some touching or assumed ‘looking’ while craning your neck to see out the windows. Still, I would always rather sit next to her as the youngest one got car-sick HAHAHA. Yea, our family trips were real fuuuunnn with a capital NOT!
Miss Grace
Good luck.