They say bad things happen in threes.
I want to know who ‘they’ are and why they deemed three the magic number. Why couldn’t it have been two? Better yet, why not just one? Isn’t one bad thing enough? Do people really need added insult to injury when they are dealing with something horrible already?
Whoever ‘they’ are I’d like to meet them. I have a cowboy boot I’d like to stuff up someone’s arse. It may not make the bad things go away but I’ll certainly get a little pleasure out of it.
It started with a phone call. My husband was in a work accident and was gassed with a lovely mixture of carbon monoxide and hydrogen sulfide. Just as I was dealing with the scary prospect of growing old alone I fell on my back. My already injured back.
As I lay flat on my back, gasping to regain the air that was knocked completely out of me, I stared at the big Northern blue sky and asked “Are you f*cking KIDDING me with this shit?” It was right about then that my lovely dog, Nixon the World’s Biggest Rat Fink, came over to me, licked my face and turned around to take a poop not three inches from my head.
Did I mention I was carrying the little rat while I fell and all I could think of as my feet went over my head and gravity got the better of me was, “Protect the Dog!”
He’s just damn lucky I didn’t land on him to cushion the blow.
Just when I thought life would not hurl any more rotten tomatoes at my still throbbing head, when I came home to discovere I have no water.
I mean, I have water. 2300 gallons of freshly delivered water sitting in my cistern 100 feet from my house. But for some reason I have no water coming into my house.
So I have a ridiculously ill husband who can barely stand up right without losing his breath, a bruised tail bone and pinched sciatic nerve from my Olympic-like splat onto an ice patch and no water to drink, flush toilets with or even shower.
It’s good times around here people. Good times.
I’ll be around. Mainly away from the computer. Bent over, whining and in pain while scraping snow into buckets to boil just so the kids can flush the damn toilets.
Life. It doesn’t get any more glamorous than this.
That is, if you define glamour as desperately needing a shower, a back rub and a maid.
Sigh.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 23:19
Oh dude. That sucks. I saw the tweet about Boo, so he’s been in my thoughts. I’m thinking happy, healing thoughts for you guys. –Beth from AZ
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 1:05
sorry to hear about all that has gone on. but it leaves me to wonder with your twisted brian and wacked out sence of hummor is this a april fools day joke? im hopeing it might be or thats the crapyist day ever.
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 5:17
Hope everything gets better for at the Redneck household — health and otherwise.
The magic number thing — it’s those damn “Schoolhouse Rock” people.
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 5:50
I hope everything gets better soon. That sounds like a horrible time.
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 6:00
That dog better know how to make you a cup of tea.
Things can only get better, friend.
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 6:32
I bet you’re hawt even unshowered.
Just sayin’.
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 9:02
At this point your only option is to medicate until sweeling goes down, husband can give you a little, I mean breathe, and since it’s nearly spring, you’ll have all that snow melting in no time.
Seriously, that sucks!
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 10:15
Thinking of you and the family. Hope things get better soon
Loural
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 11:47
Damn Gina! Scary about your husband! Not good w/ the back, the least you could get was a damn shower! good luck!
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 12:29
What a crappy freakin’ week. I am glad that your husband is doing better at least – beyond scary! Hope your back feels better soon, hon. That is no fun. UGH. You guys deserve many years of peaceful seas after all you’ve been through. Hang in there!
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 13:11
Tanis,
I am really sorry to hear about your stretch of bad luck. Maybe it’s time to consider temporarily making Fric and Frac your little slaves. Having a teen and tween was quite helpful around the house when I had my spine surgery last year. I mean…isn’t that why we had childrn in the first place…to do stuff for us?
Take care of yourself (& Boo!)
-Michelle
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 13:22
If you count the dog poop, I count four! I think that may mean there are two more coming…not good. And you’re totally right. The only time the whole bad things in threes thing does anyone any good is if you just had your third one. The odds are 1 in 3 that saying that will actually make anyone feel better.
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 13:56
Gad, what an awful time you’ve been having… glad to hear that hubby is better… hope things improve around there soon. Take care of that back … and I agree with the commenter above, time to take advantage of slave children…
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 14:42
Wow, it doesn’t just come in threes for you, it comes in BUCKETS! Can only get better from here on out………….
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 16:38
Oh my G-d, I hope your husband is okay! And your back heals well!
As for the water, well, um…*hugs*
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 17:46
I love that you thought about not squishing Nixon. I don’t love that all this crap is happening to you guys. Wish I could do something!
xoxo
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 18:28
oh babe.
<3
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 18:39
Hang in there, love.
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 19:24
If you’ve got the thigh highs, I’ve got the time.
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 21:04
wow. that sucks rocks. i’m sorry things are tough right now!
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 22:50
Ah yes… the rule of threes. We have the same thing down here. Always find a second and third ‘thing’ when something bad happens… or they will find you!!
I feel for you with no water – I have learned to pump it myself now after enduring hours without running water while my hubby was out working. It sucks to have to be self-sufficient sometimes. I dream of council-supplied water… then I look at our view and lack of neighbours… and I shut up. I love my life.
Feel better soon!!!
BB
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 22:51
PS So pleased your man is in one piece – you had us worried!!!
Thursday, 2 April, 2009 at 23:25
I’m drinking a glass of wine to ease your pain right now, friend.
Friday, 3 April, 2009 at 6:27
Wine, music, laughter…repeat. You’ll be back in no time !!
Friday, 3 April, 2009 at 8:52
And I thought I was having a tough time – I’m going to go kiss everyone in my family right now. That’s some scary shit about your husband, and you on top of it. Sending prayers and positive thoughts that life straightens itself out quickly for you!
Friday, 3 April, 2009 at 9:16
Um, should I point out that that was four things that went wrong? Or is it that you don’t care your husband is sick?
Friday, 3 April, 2009 at 10:23
OUCH! I hope that you’re all better soon, and that your water is fixed quickly.
Friday, 3 April, 2009 at 20:26
I’m sure someone has already said this, but THANK GOD the internet still works!!!
Saturday, 4 April, 2009 at 8:43
I’m fairly certain that you should win an award for this whole experience. Maybe a mounted, gold-dipped #3 with a plop of Nixon poo on the side.
I hope you and your husband are both on the mend. And that your water situation is fixed. And that Nixon doesn’t pee on the to-be-boiled-snow.