They say bad things happen in threes.
I want to know who ‘they’ are and why they deemed three the magic number. Why couldn’t it have been two? Better yet, why not just one? Isn’t one bad thing enough? Do people really need added insult to injury when they are dealing with something horrible already?
Whoever ‘they’ are I’d like to meet them. I have a cowboy boot I’d like to stuff up someone’s arse. It may not make the bad things go away but I’ll certainly get a little pleasure out of it.
It started with a phone call. My husband was in a work accident and was gassed with a lovely mixture of carbon monoxide and hydrogen sulfide. Just as I was dealing with the scary prospect of growing old alone I fell on my back. My already injured back.
As I lay flat on my back, gasping to regain the air that was knocked completely out of me, I stared at the big Northern blue sky and asked “Are you f*cking KIDDING me with this shit?” It was right about then that my lovely dog, Nixon the World’s Biggest Rat Fink, came over to me, licked my face and turned around to take a poop not three inches from my head.
Did I mention I was carrying the little rat while I fell and all I could think of as my feet went over my head and gravity got the better of me was, “Protect the Dog!”
He’s just damn lucky I didn’t land on him to cushion the blow.
Just when I thought life would not hurl any more rotten tomatoes at my still throbbing head, when I came home to discovere I have no water.
I mean, I have water. 2300 gallons of freshly delivered water sitting in my cistern 100 feet from my house. But for some reason I have no water coming into my house.
So I have a ridiculously ill husband who can barely stand up right without losing his breath, a bruised tail bone and pinched sciatic nerve from my Olympic-like splat onto an ice patch and no water to drink, flush toilets with or even shower.
It’s good times around here people. Good times.
I’ll be around. Mainly away from the computer. Bent over, whining and in pain while scraping snow into buckets to boil just so the kids can flush the damn toilets.
Life. It doesn’t get any more glamorous than this.
That is, if you define glamour as desperately needing a shower, a back rub and a maid.
Sigh.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:11
Hopefully the rest of your life will go off without a hitch – Lord knows you deserve it after everything you’ve been through in your life. (((hugs))).
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:11
Good Lord woman! First the horse, then the husband and now your back. Good thing you weren’t carrying Jumby. Take a breath and a glass of wine. I’ll try funneling some good karma your way.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:15
Wine may not fix everything but it makes things foggier to live thru.
Hope things get better for you soon!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:20
Oh, Tanis. That sucks.
I concur with those above – wine will definitely help
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:22
FUCK. H2S is nothing to joke about. That shit can kill you. FAST.
I hope your husband feels better soon.
Oh yeah… your back too.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:22
At least you still have snow to boil. Think if you were in southern Ontario and had no trace of it left at all! Good thoughts to you and Boo, here’s to a quick recovery.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:22
I heard some guy named Murphy say that a while back, just after he secured a trademark for something called “Murphy’s Law”.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:22
If I lived near you, I’d totally come fix your water, and by fix your water I mean pay somebody to fix your water for you.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:31
And if I lived near you, I would totally give you a massage and clean the house
I hope all is better soon.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:32
So glad your husband is home and on the road to recovery. I hope you get there soon, too. At this rate, you two could make this into a contest to see who can get up and moving faster in the event you come close to making each other crazy and you need to retreat.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:35
I hope everything turns around soon. Or can straighten up soon. Or at the very least, be flushed away…
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:41
Blimey – you poor things, I hope you both feel better soon and you manage not to kill the dog. I agree with the first couple of comments. Wine is definitely the way forward. Although I wouldn’t recommend flushing the loo with it.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:53
Hi, glad your husband is home. Hope you feel better soon.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:57
Tanis, I think it might be time to sacrifice a virgin.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 12:58
Hey, it’s April Fool’s Day!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 13:20
i’m so sorry. wish i could lend a hand :-/
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 13:21
Oh thank God he is ok! My husband works in a fill plant here in the states, i know how dangerous that stuff is!
I’m hoping your back feels better fast!
Lots of love from the states sent to you in the frozen north!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 13:24
That sucks.
Glad that you all are on the mend-but you don’t the powers that be know that you all would mend quicker with water.
Hugs.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 13:36
I take comfort that I wasn’t the only one visited with 3 yesterday. Dog has the squirts, UTI, & car breaking down stranding me on side of busy highway. I’m still looking for the brighter side…
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 13:40
(((hugs))), T! Hope your backside and your husband are feeling better soon. I have no opinion about the melting the snow thing, because I’ve never been in snow (Texas gal here!), but that sucks that you have no water. Prayers that everything is right in short order!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 13:41
Hi!
hope you and your husband are get better soon.
I cam via Amy of the Bitching Wives Club (of which I definitely should be a member!). Just love your blog and have added you to my blogroll!
Hope you can visit me when you are better!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 13:43
Only you could write about this situation and make it seem humerous (or is it an Aprils Fools post?)! Get better soon. Miracles do happen and maybe you will get two more after paying for your first one (your new son).
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 13:49
You should also have twittered that you broke your arse, I would also send energy for that.
Sorry, my magic doesn’t extend to plumbing. I’ll have to consider that. Email me and I can send you a link to a sound file I made that will help you with anxiety and pain.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 13:57
Sorry, but the dog shitting next to my head would have tipped me over the edge.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 14:08
So – how did the trip go?
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 14:14
just damn,hope ya’ll get better real soon.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 14:38
Aw Jaysus, your having it tough at the moment, you poor thing.
Best wishes to you and your poor hubs.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 14:44
Wow, that sucks! I hope you and the husband both feel better soon!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 15:13
Holy hell! Is hubby okay? What does he do for a living (Daren is curious)? From one dude to another he said: “Hope buddy is alright.”
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 15:21
Wow, what a horrible run of bad luck.
At least “they” didn’t say that bad luck comes in tens, or seventies…
And when you finally get to have that pain-free hot shower and do that sort of ordinary thing, you will feel amazing.
I wish I could help you, even if it were just to talk some sense into your plumbing. All I can do for you is to not be your friend; somehow it feels like whenever I have a lucky week, my friends have horrible ones. You’re welcome.
Maybe some morphine to go with that wine?
Wow, imagine what a difference it would make if all your blog following people lived right next door…
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 15:32
Oh, sugar…I’m so sorry, that all just sucks! I hope y’all recover quickly, without complication.
I wish there was something I could do from down here in Redneck Central…
If life averages out, you’re due some tremendously wonderful things.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 15:49
Lock the doors, Tanis! Lock the doors!
No more bad luck in your house!
(If only it was that easy, huh? All good thoughts to you and Boo.)
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 15:54
Fecking brutal!
*good vibes heading your way*
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 15:55
Feel better lover.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 16:01
Hope you guys are okay – but one question: Why do you boil water if you’re just going to flush it down the toilet?
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 16:33
That totally sucks. I’m glad Boo’s OK though! Wishing you a better back and good luck with the plumbing issues!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 16:36
JH Christ woman. I have been worried sick about you guys. I can only imagine what you were going through…. I worry everyday that I’m going to get “that call”.
I love you! *hugs* and give Boo a big squeeze for me!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 16:46
I followed your tweets when you found out about your husband. Very happy to know he’s going to be okay…I’m sure that was an incredibly scary time.
On the bright side…things can probably only go up from here!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 16:46
Well, shit. Shit. Sending you good thoughts for a healthy husband, healed back, and water…keep laughing.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 17:46
Duuuuude, sorry
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 18:37
Aww poor thing… If i didn’t live so far away… And only know you from reading your blog… And it wasn’t illegal, i would totally send you some comfort and extra strength vicodan.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 18:37
I’m glad he’s out of the hospital. I’m sorry life sucks right now. I can’t believe your dog took a shit right by your head. That part of your whole ordeal will be funny … in a few weeks. Backs, however, suck when they’re hurting. I hope both of you get healthy soon!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 18:51
damn jinx…I like the bad things come in onsies!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 19:11
The good thing is things can only get better
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 19:31
Oh my heck. That’s just freaking awful. Here’s to hoping it improves for you FAST.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 19:39
Oh, major suckage! I hope things start to get better soon.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 19:40
At least the dog was considerate enough not to poop ON your head!
Hope you all feel better soon!
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 19:50
Hope all’s better soon.
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 20:25
Biting my nails for Boo and commiserating on the sciatic pain. *hugs*
Wednesday, 1 April, 2009 at 21:27
CO is bad enough. H2S is simply insult to injury. Sucks.
Hope you and Boo get better each day. The you can fix the plumbing