There is nothing harder in the world than having to say good bye to your child.
It is a pain no parent should ever know. Tears that should never be wept.
We enter parenthood in good faith, with dreams of watching our children grow up and become parents themselves. Images of little league games and school pageants, followed with learning to drive and onto dating.
We try to visualize our children’s future all the while breathing in their sweet smells and blowing raspberry kisses on their little bellies.
We moan and groan over potty training foibles and temper tantrums in the grocery store. We dread the teenage years and the rebellion we know which must surely follow. We never think of the possibility of not having another tomorrow with our child.
It’s unfathomable.
We do everything in our power to give our children the tools they need, the love they need to succeed in life, with the hope their lives will be everything they dream it to be.
What we don’t ever imagine is being robbed of that joy, of that promise, of that life we created or adopted.
It is unfathomable to think we can have a child one minute and only a memory the next.
Two of our fellow mommy bloggers and their husbands are facing this reality. Two of our own, in this electronic community we have created online for ourselves are struggling with the knowledge there will be no prom dates, no more raspberry kisses.
Two more families now have to face their new unimaginable reality and deal with the fiercest pain they will ever know.
I’m in Los Angeles to help the Spohr family say goodbye to their beloved Maddie. Meanwhile, I’m sending prayers to Thalon’s family and asking my Bug to play with his newest little angel friend.
I wish I didn’t have to.
I wish I didn’t have an angel of my own to talk to.
I wish I was anywhere else but here.
I wish I could say this was unfathomable.
But I know it’s not.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:07
I think it’s amazing that you’re making the trip there so that you can be a source of strength. You are wonderful. Truly.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:10
I second avitable. Bless you for being here inLA for the spohr family
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:10
I remember being 6 years old and saying goodbye to my baby sister. She was 4 months old when a heart defect took her from my family. Now I’m almost 39 and have 3 children of my own. My stomach knots in pain and I cry silent tears every time I hear of another child dying. I wish, like you, that I would never have to hear of another.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:11
No words can make it better or make the pain go away so I will just sit here in my silence praying.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:14
what a beautiful post. The worst thing in this world is having to bury your child. It’s just not right. I will be there tomorrow as well, holding heather’s hand.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:15
Your strength is a blessing to so many, Tanis. xoxo
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:20
The Spohrs are lucky to have you be with them during this horrific time. It has to be some very small comfort to them to see you and know that their life will go on. Very differently than the life they had before Maddie left them…but their life WILL go on.
You’re the best, Tanis. Sending thoughts and prayers out to everyone. Tomorrow will be so hard.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:28
Please pass along the well-wishes of the entire internet to the Spohrs.
I wish only the best for all incredible parents who have had to suffer in the ways you have.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:29
I also wish I didn’t have an angel to speak of, but my little girl Taylor, who forever will be 9 months old, will be there to play with Maddie and Thalon.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:30
All of these families and their support will be in my prayers tonight.
Stay strong. I know you can.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:35
One of my strongest memories as a child is my parents coming to the door and telling me that my brother had passed away.
Flash forward 33 years later and I’m telling my daughter the same thing.
There are no words to describe the pain – I wish that no one else had to go through it. I know this isn’t about my pain but somehow being a kindred spirit in this walk I hope lets the Spohrs know that they are not alone – alone is a horrible feeling after the death of your child – there are many many thinking of them and wishing, like you said so eloquently, upon every star that they, and other families, didn’t have to feel this.
Addison go find your new little friends, hug them tight, and welcome them home.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:43
Strength, love, & hugs to you Tanis & those you seek to comfort. Thoughts & prayers.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:51
Just the very *thought* of losing one of my children sends my heart and stomach into knots. I’ve been watching this unfold; I don’t know these women and their families (didn’t even know they existed until this past weekend) and my heart is breaking for them. I hope I never feel the pain that they- and you- are feeling.
You are a good friend to be there for them.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 14:56
When we lost our third son, albeit late in pregnancy (not after birth), no one around us knew what to say, because really, there is so little to say. So much to feel.
I can’t imagine the pain that you have known, that the Spohrs and the Meyers now know. I can only know the Spohrs, Heather and Mike, will be only grateful for your visit and presence.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 15:01
What a wonderful light you are in what has to be a very dark time for Heather & Mike. Bless your hearts, all of you. xo
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 15:03
I am so, so sorry that any family has to know what it’s like to lose a child.
I am keeping the Spohr and Myers families in my thoughts.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 15:11
They’re lucky to have you with them.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 15:13
I’m crying again.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 15:32
Tanis – your words make the ache in my heart just a bit less this day. May you have peace while you lend your comfort to others. (((HUGS)))
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 15:40
I think it’s incredible that you are making the trip for their family. I wish these things were unfathomable too.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 15:49
It’s not right, and it’s not fair, and unfathomable doesn’t even come close to describing it. I’m so sorry for all the pain in the blogosphere this week. I hope the parents can find some comfort, somewhere, maybe here with you.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 16:02
I love you, honey. I’m on my way right now.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 16:11
Once again my tears flow in empathy with another family joining our horrible club.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 16:47
My heart breaks for both families and my prayers are with them.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 17:00
Tanis, that is so wonderful that you’re there for the Spohrs, and it’s so hard to also hear about the loss of yet another little angel, Thalon.
No parent should have to experience this.
Small consolation, but there is a Grandpa who’ll look out for them, and has plenty of wonderful snuggles to share with them…
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 17:23
Oh Tanis, my kids are here with me but my heart is breaking for the families who have lost children. Thank you for saying so eloquently what I am feeling.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 18:43
I’m glad you’re there with them. And I’m sad for all of you that you know exactly what they are going through.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 18:43
My heart breaks for both families and I am praying for them both.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 18:49
It breaks my heart. A bright spot for them will be your presence.
Give them lots of hugs for all of us.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 18:56
Its a cold, sad day in the webby-verse.
If nothing else, the loss of these sweet, sweet angel babies has made MANY of us other Mommies more patient, more loving, more appreciative of the blessings we have with our own children.
Blessings to you all as you mourn their loss.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 18:57
I’ve walked this lonely road and my heart breaks for these parents. It was 13 years ago and sometimes it seems like yesterday. You are a good friend. Friends and family are what we need at times like this and I’m glad you’re there for them. Hold them close.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 19:26
Tanis: I wish we didn’t have to know what unfathomable is not.
I hope your Bug, their Maddie and Thalon, can say hi to my two fallen angels.
And bless you for being where you are. You are all in my prayers.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 19:29
Not another baby. Oh, my heart is so, so sad.
Tanis, thank you for going to LA to be with Heather and Mike. I wanted so badly to go, but I just couldn’t. I’m so happy (okay, not happy, but relatively so…) to know that they have wonderful friends like you to help them through this time. I’m sorry that they (and you) have had to experience the unfathomable.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 20:21
You are amazing for going there to be with them.
I can’t stand this week. This horrible, unspeakably sad week on the internet.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 20:23
I feel like there is so much I want to say, and yet it all seems so small and meaningless. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you families and your angels. Thank you for your beautiful words and incredible strength.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 20:27
Thinking of you, of Shale and Maddie and Thalon. Hoping the families find even fleeting refuge in the love that is so freely offered to them.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 20:33
Can’t offer anything to help. Maybe nothing can help. But can’t sit here reading this screen and saying nothing. Sorrow from strangers may be of no use. I give it anyway. I wish you healing as it could be found.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 20:35
It is so wonderful of you to help others who share this mystery of life. I believe maybe you are an angel sent to give them strength. God Bless You, and comfort all parents who must endure the pain of giving up a child much to early in life.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 20:39
i have tried to type a response 3 times and end up deleting. I lost a little boy before I was able to meet him and it shattered my world. The losses of Shale, Maddie, and Thalon are universe shattering. I dont understand why things like this happen. My heart hurts, and its hard to breathe, just thinking about it. You are a source of strength and a wonderful friend. Please send the Spohrs our love.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 20:51
Please give Maddie’s parents a hug from me. I never met them, never read their story until Maddie passed, but they have touched my heart and are in my prayers. Same with Thalon’s family.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 21:03
i only hope i can muster an 1/8 of the strength anc courage you have exhibited through your painfull loss of Bug.
your kinds words along with others have given me some comfort. i just know that Thalon, Bug and Maddie are having a ball together.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 21:04
:*(
The sadness swirling around is hideous. So much heartbreak. I wish I could be there with you all.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 21:11
My heart is broken Maddie’s and Thalon’s parents, for their families. And for you. It’s not fair. My heart, aching as it is, goes out Heather and Shana, and to everyone who loved those two sweet babies.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 21:29
I agree with Avitable. This is such a horrible thing, but for you to reach out and make such a long trip truly means so much. My heart and thoughts go out to the families, and to you and yours.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 21:42
We are all there with you in spirit. Holding you up as you try and hold up the Sphor family.
And sending the same to Thalons family.
I cannot comprehend. I don’t want to comprehend. I don’t have your strength.
<3
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 21:47
I’ve never cried so many tears for children that I have never met. But I fell in love with them just the same through the shared stories and pictures.
Please hug Heather and Mike just a little tighter tomorrow for those of us that are there in spirt.
And please assure them that their sweet little girl with the beautiful eyes and bright smile will forever be a shining light and never forgotten.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 22:42
We are all with you all in spirit raising you up ever so slightly to ease the burden that you all share. Prayers and thoughts to all of the families grieving
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 22:59
I am glad you will be there for them. And though I only know Heather through her blog and in passing on twitter with a stray @ now and again, I am also going to support one of our own.
Maybe I’ll see you there…but more importantly, I just want Heather to know that Maddie mattered.
T.
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 23:10
That is awesome that you can be there for Maddie’s family! I wish no parent had to go through what you guys have! Truly!
Monday, 13 April, 2009 at 23:50
God bless you for going to be with Heather and Mike. It must be a precious blessing to them to have you there to say, “You are not alone. I understand.” I cannot imagine the depth of their pain.