There is nothing harder in the world than having to say good bye to your child.
It is a pain no parent should ever know. Tears that should never be wept.
We enter parenthood in good faith, with dreams of watching our children grow up and become parents themselves. Images of little league games and school pageants, followed with learning to drive and onto dating.
We try to visualize our children’s future all the while breathing in their sweet smells and blowing raspberry kisses on their little bellies.
We moan and groan over potty training foibles and temper tantrums in the grocery store. We dread the teenage years and the rebellion we know which must surely follow. We never think of the possibility of not having another tomorrow with our child.
It’s unfathomable.
We do everything in our power to give our children the tools they need, the love they need to succeed in life, with the hope their lives will be everything they dream it to be.
What we don’t ever imagine is being robbed of that joy, of that promise, of that life we created or adopted.
It is unfathomable to think we can have a child one minute and only a memory the next.
Two of our fellow mommy bloggers and their husbands are facing this reality. Two of our own, in this electronic community we have created online for ourselves are struggling with the knowledge there will be no prom dates, no more raspberry kisses.
Two more families now have to face their new unimaginable reality and deal with the fiercest pain they will ever know.
I’m in Los Angeles to help the Spohr family say goodbye to their beloved Maddie. Meanwhile, I’m sending prayers to Thalon’s family and asking my Bug to play with his newest little angel friend.
I wish I didn’t have to.
I wish I didn’t have an angel of my own to talk to.
I wish I was anywhere else but here.
I wish I could say this was unfathomable.
But I know it’s not.
gorillabuns
i only hope i can muster an 1/8 of the strength anc courage you have exhibited through your painfull loss of Bug.
your kinds words along with others have given me some comfort. i just know that Thalon, Bug and Maddie are having a ball together.
Loralee
:*(
The sadness swirling around is hideous. So much heartbreak. I wish I could be there with you all.
Jennifer H
My heart is broken Maddie’s and Thalon’s parents, for their families. And for you. It’s not fair. My heart, aching as it is, goes out Heather and Shana, and to everyone who loved those two sweet babies.
Elizabeth Kaylene
I agree with Avitable. This is such a horrible thing, but for you to reach out and make such a long trip truly means so much. My heart and thoughts go out to the families, and to you and yours.
Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo
We are all there with you in spirit. Holding you up as you try and hold up the Sphor family.
And sending the same to Thalons family.
I cannot comprehend. I don’t want to comprehend. I don’t have your strength.
<3
Shelley
I’ve never cried so many tears for children that I have never met. But I fell in love with them just the same through the shared stories and pictures.
Please hug Heather and Mike just a little tighter tomorrow for those of us that are there in spirt.
And please assure them that their sweet little girl with the beautiful eyes and bright smile will forever be a shining light and never forgotten.
habanerogal
We are all with you all in spirit raising you up ever so slightly to ease the burden that you all share. Prayers and thoughts to all of the families grieving
T@SendChocolate
I am glad you will be there for them. And though I only know Heather through her blog and in passing on twitter with a stray @ now and again, I am also going to support one of our own.
Maybe I’ll see you there…but more importantly, I just want Heather to know that Maddie mattered.
T.
Special K
That is awesome that you can be there for Maddie’s family! I wish no parent had to go through what you guys have! Truly!
Dory
God bless you for going to be with Heather and Mike. It must be a precious blessing to them to have you there to say, “You are not alone. I understand.” I cannot imagine the depth of their pain.
Chrissy
This is just so horrible. God bless you, Tanis, for going to lend some comfort to Maddie’s family. And to Thalon’s family … To all the men and women who responded here saying they too lost a precious child, I am so sorry. Hugs and lots of love coming from Germany to you …
nichole
May you be a blessing and encouragement to these families that are going through what I imagine to be worst possible pain in life.
Andi
I work as a nurse in a pediatric cancer unit and I unfortunately deal with parents losing their children on a somewhat regular basis. It never NEVER gets easier for me. It is always unimaginable and profoundly unfair.
I remember a few years ago, I read an article about a parent who had lost her child to cancer. A year after his death, she still found herself crying every day and she contacted her therapist to discuss the fact that she didn’t feel like she was “getting over it”. The therapist began by asking her what term we use for someone who has lost a spouse. The mother said, “A widow/widower.” Then the therapist asked her what term we used for a person who had lost both their parents. The mother replied, “An orphan.” Then the therapist asked, “So what term do we use for someone who has lost a child?” The mother paused and thought about it for a while and then said, “I don’t know. Is there one?” The therapist shook her head and replied, “Losing a child is so horrible, so painful, that we have not even given it a word in the English language.” She went on to say that something that indescribable must surely require more grieving, and she encouraged the mother to grieve as long and as hard as she needed to.
Everyone’s grief is different and lasts as long as they need it to. And no one can tell them how they should feel or not feel. God bless you, Tanis, for being a quiet comfort to them and for just telling them that they are not alone. I’m sure it means more to them than they can ever say. But they don’t need to say anything to you, do they? You know. You just know.
Alicia
so heartbreaking. your story… their stories… this world is so unfair… my heart just aches and i know that it is not even anything CLOSE to what I could even IMAGINE a mother would feel if the unfathomable occurs….
what can i say????? theres nothing -
Barrie Summy
Oh, how very very sad. Thank you so much for providing links. Have a safe trip. I’ll be thinking of you all. xo
Ericka
safe travels.
Meg
You are an amazing person for making this trip to be with Mike and Heather. If anyone can understand what they’re going through, it’s you.
I can’t even wrap my mind around this kind of loss. I was torn apart and devasted when I lost my baby, but he was never born, never outside of my womb. I knew him, but I didn’t ever get the chance to hold him. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt, so I can’t imagine if it was a child that was once living.
Hugs to you, the Spohrs, and Thalon’s mommy and daddy.
mothergoosemouse
I love you, T. So much more to say, but no more words left.
Melinda
A little over a month ago I got to watch my 85 year old grandmother bury her almost 63 year old son. My inlaws buried 2 of their 3 sons. I’m not sure it ever gets any easier as they get older. I’m so sorry for all of you who’ve lost your children. And I’m so grateful things worked they way they did the night my youngest was born….
With so much sympathy,
Tryl
midwest mommy
I just saw that you are going to the funeral for sweet Maddie Moo. I can’t believe this is happening. I wish I could have went but I am there in prayer.