@lisa,

For real? I’ve heard many more cases of kids being taken away from good parents in the United States under a President Bush regime than I have ever heard in Canada. Give me a break…

Hi Annie,

Really? Can you give me an example of kids being taken away “under a President Bush regime”? I would be interested to see that information. You said you heard of this happening so I am just interested where did you hear/see this?

I also march in my own parade ( as opposed to s different drummer, I just started my own parade).. My brothers girlfriend used to crack up everytime she came over at things I would say ( to my son going into autistic meltdown mode:Stop Freaking Out!!)or things we would do that not everyone would do. Even my ex-husband has to say that while I may use unconventional methods, my kids are healthy normal and happy. You go girl!!

@lisa,

I didn’t need to use Bush’s name, so pretend I didn’t if that makes you feel better. I was trying to point out that you can’t blame socialism for poor decisions by social services.

Perhaps I was rude, but your comment was WAY over the top.

Wow…I’m commenting before reading all the comments just because I’d like to say what’s on my mind rather than addressing other comments.

Seriously I wasn’t even aware of this “trend” of bad mom’ing for attention and publicity.

I write from the heart. I write what I want. If it doesn’t always shed me in the most positive light then so be it. I’m not perfect. But I’m honest and real…and do it because I want to and because it makes me feel good (most of the time)not because of what I potentially stand to gain.

Thanks for writing this. I seriously could do a post of my own about this issue.

I’m sure we were all great parents BEFORE we became parents. As outsiders to parenting, we all think we know how we’re going to run the ship when we’re at the helm. Thing is, once those precious children arrive, preconceived notions fall by the wayside because hey – parenting is NOT easy!

Doing whatever works, learning as you go, and doing the best you can ultimately wins out for parents because kids are all different, have different needs. It’s just too bad that outsiders to our individual experiences still feel the need to preach what constitutes a good parent and acceptable parenting practices or ‘styles’.

No matter what you call it – good or bad or otherwise, what matters is that we as grown ups should be allowed to raise our children without being judged on technique. And more importantly, if children are happy, healthy and decent human beings, then their parents should be commended for that success and not condoned for using methods that are a little left of what society feels is right.

People that judge are ignorant. Yes, that is me Judging judgmental people, but ya know what I mean. I think as long as your children grow up in a healthy way, and no harm has come to them by your hand then there is NO way you could be considered a bad mom.
I don’t parent with the trend. I refuse to be mainstream. But my children thrive. They are happy, well adjusted, and intelligent, that are able to act (At times) selflessly.
You continue doing what your doing. You continue to love your babies, and all those that feel the need to intrude and pass a judgment on your parenting style can look the other way, and zip it.
Oh and If I weren’t pregnant right now, I would so take some Bailey’s in my coffee too.

HELL YEAH!

Perfection is overrated. Imperfections are what make us, and our children, unique.

I’m not saying you’re not perfect – you’re kick ass, redneck awesome at it’s finest!

Looks like I am a little late to this.

I have no clue what’s going on, all I can say is that there are no perfect parents, if they claim to be they are wrong. There are no parent experts. Parenting is a process of give and take and constant learning. If through that process you happen to become labeled one way or another, it passes.

Phew, sure glad I only blog to vent and not to receive money or popularity. Not saying that’s what you do, but I’ve been reading other blogs who just search and search for advertisements and right about stuff and they have lost touch with themselves. Holy long comment, sorry.

I’ve been reading blogs on this topic left and right, and I say that no matter what the label is, we’re all trying to raise our children to be well-adjusted and happy.

The path we choose to get there shouldn’t matter.

I know I’ve made tons of parenting mistakes and I’m certain I’ll make more.

This post is so on target… thank you, Tanis.

@AG, UHH What the hell are you talking about? I just dont like the term. I am pretty sure I said it was crap that Tanis has gone through, was wrong. I just think we are all good mothers. As for defending your parenting to others, you don’t know me. I have not had to deal with child services, but I have a special needs son and I have to battle with doctors, teachers, and everyone else with a goddamn opinion about how I parent him. Whether or not I drug him ect. So YES I do know what its like to defend my parenting and I am FAR from a perfect mother. If you look down further I posted again about this… If you feel taking the term and turning the meaning empowers you go for it. I don’t think I made any judgments in what I had to say, but obviously I offended you somehow.

@jenni williams, The entirety of the post was not directed specifically at you (sorry to give the impression), and yes, I did see later where you changed your mind a bit. I was making specific reference to your “Unless you abuse, neglect, or cause lasting damage to your child you are not a bad mother”. My point was, it sounds easy to say “never doubt you are a good parent if you dont do these things” if you have never been in a position where you were accused of exactly those things, and by people whose opinion not only MATTERS, but is ESSENTIAL to continuing to parent said children.

Some people *have* to turn around that accusation and mock it (which is, in the end, all Tanis and others are doing, is MOCKING the judgement) in order to keep it from truly injuring their heart. Not everyone is like that, and both ways are okay.

actually, let me amend this a little more. it’s difficult to put such a hot button issue into words and have it come out correctly. of all people, i get tanis writing this, because of her specific set of life experiences. the humor and irony of it all works far more for her than for other people, who have never faced the type of judgment she has. her situation is extremely unique.

Jeez. Can’t we just write our fucking blogs without people getting their nuts in a tizzy? Fucking A. I guess everyone has to make a buck.

I think there is a world of difference between being a “bad” mother and being a bad mother. There is a world of bad parents out there: parents who batter their kids, parents who emotionally abuse their kids, physically abuse them, sexually exploit them, fundamentally betray them on every level.

I don’t want to sound like an asshole, but I’m kind of uncomfortable with the whole tongue-in-cheek “bad” mother thing, partly because I wonder how much validation it gives to the AUTHENTICALLY bad parents who see the whole “I’m a bad mother!” line as a way of saying that being a really bad parent is a socially acceptable way of parenting. Like, “Look at all of us bad mothers! We’re all in the same boat!” When we’re not, at all. Some of us are being facetious, some of us are using it to differentiate us from a different type of mothering, some of us just feel guilty about what we do or don’t do so quickly say, “Oh, I’m just a bad mother.” I don’t know why admitting that actually you think you’re a kick-ass mother is somehow embarrassing or a joke. Why don’t we say something like, “I don’t parent the same way as a lot of people, but damn it, I fucking ROCK. My kids are damn lucky to have me.”

There’s such a wide gulf between “not as perfect as I perceive that others think I should be” and “bad”.

I don’t for a second think you are actually a bad mother, you’re a great mother who was put through an absolutely awful experience that you didn’t deserve at all after suffering the worst loss imaginable. I’m really sorry that happened to you.

You love your kids unabashedly and you fiercely protect them and make their lives safe and secure. You’re always thinking of your kids, you are caring for your kids. That’s the whole gig, really. That is NOT bad mothering. It’s awesome. What’s wrong with saying “We are a new breed of awesome mothers”?

I can’t quite put my finger on it in a very eloquent way, but I think it just unnerves me how quickly and readily women undermine themselves by labelling themselves negatively because they believe they don’t conform to expectations of others. Different isn’t bad, it’s just different, and as often as not, it’s better, no?

Just my 2 cents.

I can’t believe that nobody took you up on your offer to call you the world’s twattiest mom. (waaaaaaaaay back in the comments)….so there.

Keep rockin’ it lady….

You are one of the few bloggers I can stomach, because you don’t sugar-coat who you are or what being a parent is like for YOU.

I was raised in the 70′s with NO mother, at all. My aunt told me that it was “better” having no mother than having my mother around. I still don’t know why she said that.
I was terrified of becoming a mom, because I had no role models. Dad cooked about four meals besides eggs. Cleaning meant dishes and vacuuming, as needed. I honestly thought I’d end up feeding my kids PBJ or spaghettios every day!
I became a single Mom at 25. At my Dad’s funeral, two years later, my older half-sister actually came up to me and said that she was newly married and expecting, and “that’s the correct order” to do it in. This was about the second conversation she and I had ever had since I was a little kid!
She had no clue how it was I ended up being a single mom, nor how I was faring. She just KNEW that the BEST way to raise a child was with a mommy and a daddy and wedding vows. Sometimes, it is. Sometimes, NOT. For ME, at that time, WAY NOT. (I know, shoulda, coulda, woulda…)
The point is, mothers are always being labeled and judged. The only fathers who get labeled as bad? Deadbeats, or abusers. Period. Work 95 hours a week? That’s being a good provider. Wipe a butt once a week, wow, he’s sharing the responsibility. Okay, I exaggerate. Do men care if others call them good or bad? NOPE.
I have had many moments when I’ve worried about raising my kids. I will never be the “crafty” mom, the “recipe” mom, nor the “starbucks” mom. Sometimes I am the mom that will let a bad word slip, laugh at my kid’s naughty behavior, miss a school event, or forget to hide the Easter baskets. I have also refused to work on my kids’ birthdays, holidays, or when they were sick; and have gone through hell and back to keep a roof over their heads and keep them safe.
I do know that if my DD ever has to choose between being a single mom or being in a horrible, screwed up marriage, she would know that she can count on me to back her up, and let her become the best mom she can be.