Ever feel the winds of change howl around you and shudder while you try and wrap yourself up with a cloak of denial?
No?
It’s just me? Damn it.
I have never been one to embrace change with open arms. I’m more of a drag-me-kicking-and-screaming into a new situation type of gal. I am innately stubborn when it comes to accepting new things.
This trickles into all aspects of my life. I go to the same restaurants, order the same foods, read the same blogs, buy the same clothes (just in multiple colours) and enjoy the same routine daily.
I am a stalker’s delight, really.
Yet, here I am, knowing that the house of cards I’m building, like the castles in the sand I love to craft, is tilting to the left much like the Leaning Tower of Pisa. One tectonic shift, one strong gust of wind, and everything I love will come crashing down around me.
I hate that feeling.
When I started blogging, years ago already, I never gave much thought to who would be reading me. I never really thought anyone would find this blog in the universe of the Internet; one small little blog in a sea of others. Yet, somehow I have managed to not only build up a readership (and if I could tongue kiss you all, I totally would) but land myself a job based in large part because of the scribbles I post here weekly.
When I started blogging, that long ago evening when I sat in the dark staring at the bright computer screen as my children peacefully slumbered on, my life was a world away from the reality I face today. I was stuck in a pit of grief, unable to see the light to shine myself out. I couldn’t see past the end of my nose through the tears that poured out of my eyes to see clearly into the future, to anticipate just how this blog would impact my life and my family’s life.
I just sat there, in the dark, and clung to the hope that somehow, this thing called blogging would bring me peace; allow me to heal. I was working on instinct alone.
My instincts were right, and over time and with many words poured out to be shared with the invisible community that rallied around to support me, life got better.
(I wish I could say the same for my grammar. Sadly, time and practice has only encouraged more run on sentences, spelling errors and misplaced commas than my English professors would like to see.)
Like my children, my blog is growing up.
(I myself, will never grow up. I will be that old chick down the street who still wears mini skirts and tube tops and tries to shake her wiggling arse booty to the beats of generations past. And I’ll do it with big hair too, dammit.)
But since my kids are growing up, and my blog has expanded into twitter and facebook and now television, I’m wondering if it isn’t time to take the next step in blog world and drop the pseudonyms I’ve saddled on my kids. Perhaps it’s time to unveil them as the people they are and not the characters their blog nomickers make them into.
My children are indifferent. They still argue over which is Fric and which is Frac. The only thing they care about when it comes to this blog is that I don’t write anything that will get them hog-tied and stuffed into a locker.
My husband is not so indifferent, but has softened on the stance since I went on the evening news and admitted my children like to toss knives around.
It’s amazing really, that he lets me have access to the computer.
Does it make a difference, these pseudonyms? Does it provide my children with some invisible shield of security or am I just deluding myself into thinking that, what with all the other media I’ve done in the past?
Does it make a difference to the stories I share, whether I use their real names or their blog names?
Does anyone really care?
Am I the only one who keeps mixing up Fric and Frac?
What is your opinion? Sound off in the comment section. Should I bite the bullet and introduce more reality into my posts or do you prefer I keep things as they are?
Cuz I’m spinning in the wind here, unsure of which direction I should forge ahead with.
The floor is yours. Speak up. Because damn it, I need someone to tell me what to do.
Be my dominatrix for the day would ya?
*post edit: I have a different surname than my husband and children, so I’m not entirely sure that using their real first names will impact the Google when they grow up and apply for jobs. God willing, they apply for jobs. Because if they think they are going to sponge off the good will and fortune of their father and me, they aren’t just delusional they are way optimistic and thereby not my offspring.*
witchypoo
As to giving out your children’s real names, Google is not always your friend.
thatgirlblogs
whatever is easiest — I have no problem with fric/frac etc.
Aurelia
Well, the trouble with teenagers is that you will never really know if it’s a bad thing for them to be revealed, until one day they come home and tell you that you have ruined their life! And it’s too late then….
So, what about the Lynn Johnston idea? The cartoonist? She used the middle names of her kids and has said many times that what she writes is inspired by her family, but not precisely an accurate blow by blow account. She says right out that there is dramatic license. For example, in real life she has no 3rd daughter, instead the character is made up of hopes and dreams about a 3rd child she wanted.
Altering the names slightly and the stories kept the flavour but didn’t mean the kids got upset. And if their friends bugged them, they could just point out that it’s not all real, but inspired by.
And someday, when they are looking for jobs or trying to get into university, googling will not be as easy and maybe they can get the chance to explain before everyone reads.
For example, I think someone at your table had a knife–but hon, no I DON’T believe there was a knife fight. It was a pretty funny to read, but I know you now. So I have context.
Becca
I love the monikers Fric and Frac. I like that I don’t have to know your children’s names but still enjoy your stories and travelling this journey of life with you here in blogland.!
chasity
I think it’s a matter of personal preference. I include pictures of my children on my blog, but choose to use pseudonyms because both of my boys are still quite young, and at this stage in the game I would rather not have the worry of a stranger recognizing a photo and addressing them by name. When they are closer to their teenage years, I may well change my mind. I haven’t linked my facebook page to my blog- and since I have to approve who gets friended- I use their real names there. Unfortunately I’ve witnessed first hand some of the greater evils in the world, so until my boys are old enough to protect themselves, I do so with their pseudonyms.
Michelle
Whatever works best for you
I use my kids real names, but I’m not a popular blogger
Frogdancer
There’s no way I’d use my kids’ real names on my blog. I use their second names, and because I’ve got 4 boys very close together in age I put a number after the name to denote which birth order they are. (Tom1, Ryan3, etc.) The thought of my ex husband… or worse, my students… googling and finding my blog is too hideous a thought to contemplate.
Fric and Frac? I have no idea which one is which.
Jenn
If your kids don’t care then there isn’t really a big issue, other than whether or not you really want their names out there. That being said, I remember reading an article about your blog that used their real names, so some of your readers maybe have already been introduced unofficially to them.
Sunnie
I am always confused with which one is Fric and which one is Frac—-I just keep my fingers crossed I will get a he/she him/her in a sentence or a pic and i can breathe a sigh of relief and continue reading.
Cindy King
As much as I would love to be your dominatrix for the day I can’t seem to settle on one side or the other of this. Frankly I don’t think it makes a darn bit of difference what you call them really. They go to public schools and you have an international following…Even in Canada two plus two is still 5…just like here. However as a Mom I struggle with the warm cozy feelings of self delusion that a good old fashioned fake name hands out. Example: My youngest daughters net ID is the same as her nick name…It’s actually what we call her and we live in a small town. Not much in the way of anonimity going on round here. But it makes me feel better, and in the end thats all that really matters.
Out-Numbered
First of all much like your house of cards and sand castles, my Fu-Shnay-Nay, leans to the left.
and Secondly, We live in a DIGITAL WORLD. Whether you are a celebrity or not, we all have and grant access in one form or another to catch a small glimpse of our lives. If your kids are on Facebook or Twitter than they have already surrendered their anonymity. We are all a google away from being found.
If it feels right for your family, don’t over think it.
Kids and people were being stalked, kidnapped and all sorts of other horrible things way before the internet.
GO for it or don’t. Either way, it won’t make a huge difference to the public. They just want to read you, watch you or whatever. Sometimes a little mystery is good for the soul.
I’d be much more interested in seeing naked pix of you.
XOXO
nic @mybottlesup
@Out-Numbered,
yeah. what he said.
Out-Numbered
@nic @mybottlesup, Ahh Nic. I’d love to see some pix of you too of course. Heck what about a whole Mommy Blogger Nude Calendar? That would sell and I would Profit! MMMWWWWWAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Jennifer McKenzie
I’m with Witchy Woman. If you reveal your children’s real names, Google will NOT be your friend.
I’ll be honest. After watching what happened when a “friend”, someone you knew here, on your blog, someone who you trusted, turned on you in on of the most painful ways, I wouldn’t reveal anything specific. Ever.
I hate to bring up that person who caused you pain, but remember that the internet is filled with people who do not have your (or your children’s) interests in mind.
I’m an erotic romance author. What I write is not fit for anyone under 18. I live in a tiny town with some equally tiny minds.
On my blog, I’ve often been pretty stupid about keeping the “real” me and the “author” me separate. Like you said, a stalker’s dream.
But I’m learning to keep my husband and children out of it.
I really believe you can maintain their anonymity, or at least some of it. Think of it. They can start their own blogs.
“The World According To Fric”
“Frac You and the Horse You Rode In On”
“Fric’n Awesome”
“Frac’n Hell Or My Life As A Redneck Child”.
You’ve given them GREAT fodder.
Thumper
They’ll always be Fric and Frac to your readers… I kinda like those names; just assign Fric to the eldest and Frac to the younger, given that that’s how the names roll off the tongue.
When I started blogging my kid was an adult already, yet he’s still The Boy, even though anyone who has me friended on FB knows his real name. Hell, I have my own real name plastered all over the Internet, yet people still call me Kathy. I can shot MY NAME IS NOT KATHY and still they do it. So you might as well stick with the monikers, lest their real names get butchered along the way… It’s frustrating…
Chibi Jeebs
@Thumper, that’s how I’ve always “assigned” the names in my head: I know Daughter is “first” born, so she’s Fric and son, being “second” born, is Frac.
I’d keep the pseudonyms, myself.
David
I agree with witchypoo of course. The kids should remain fric and frac until such time as they choose to out themselves. The so called reality question is waaaaay trickier. Your friends love you and will always respect the boundaries you set. However, teh internets are comprised of spooky, scary, downright fubar souls as well. Those are the ones of whom you need to be leery. So if I were you (which I think I’d enjoy for a day or two, especially the widespread adoration), I’d keep at least a nominal veneer of mystery and misdirection. Details are great and necessary for your posts to make sense, but specifics that put you at potential risk, not so much. It wouldn’t be acceptable to have to shut down the whole operation because some whackjob forgot that you’re a real person with real feelings and a real family, and that you don’t exist merely for his/her whackjob amusement. I just fear stalkers, I guess. Maybe it’s just me.
deb
I would keep the pseudonyms.
Angela
LOL, I get them confused sometimes too, but usually it’s obvious who you mean after a sentence or so. I just figure Fric is the first born and Frac second born so that they’re truly Fric and Frac.
And I think it’s fine to use pseudonyms. We’re all used to it and it fits the kind of homey irreverence we’ve come to love in your writing.
Pooba~
Get down on your hands and knees and bark like a dog…
Leave Fric and Frac alone… they are fine! No names pleeze… in our visions are still cartoons and any pull into reality would only harm our fragile psyche…
SciFi Dad
I think it boils down to what you use elsewhere. If you’re calling them Fric and Frac on Facebook and Twitter (which I readily admit to using rarely and never, respectively) and on your tv show (which I have yet to catch), then maintaining it offers them some degree of anonymity. However, your position is typically public and honest, in which case you’re not really “hiding” them from much other than specific google searches for their names (you know, the kind an interviewing employer does).
Come to think of it, you might want to keep those pseudonyms, lest they become unemployed adults still living in your basement in their 30s.
Joy
I vote for Fric and Frac. I like it. Besides, you can’t unring the bell…
Niki
I’m with all the rest of the wishywashy failed dominatrices. Do whatever feels right, there isn’t really a clear wrong answer here. Personally, I love reading about Fric and Frac(and Boo), and don’t really feel the need to have names to go with them.
That said, I suppose I trend closer to the “keep the pseudonyms!” position because of the power of Google. While it’s true that you are gaining more and more public exposure, and anybody who wants to put the effort into it will be able to turn up your kids’ names, you should keep in mind the casual Googler. Someone who is interested in Fric for her/himself (yeah, I’m confused on which is which, too). This potential paramour types in a name, and gets *way* too much personal information. If the only reason you’re considering switching away from a pseudonym is “why bother anymore?” then I can put on my dom voice and say “Don’t do it!” But if there are true logistical weirdnesses to keeping the pseudonyms, and it would truly make life easier for everybody, well, the price of Googlability isn’t terribly high (merely “embarrassing”).
One of the bloggers I read actually went the opposite direction to you. When her kids were young, she used their names freely. At that point, she felt that most of what she told was her story. As her kids hit the tween years, she felt that their stories were no longer hers (or, maybe they were hers peripherally), and she changed to pseudonyms. IIRC, the idea was that if they reached a point where they knowingly chose to have their real names used once again, she’d then return to that practice.