I don’t know how it happened but I woke up this morning and discovered I had morphed into my mother.
“How about some cereal with that sugar?”
“Get that hair out of your eyes!”
“I don’t care what the kids tell you at school, hair hanging in your eyes does not make you look cool.”
“You can’t live off Oreos alone dude.”
“I’m putting you on notice, if things don’t change I’m homeschooling you next year.”
“Homeschooling is not a prison sentence for kids. It’s an educational choice for concerned parents everywhere!”
“Keep it up with that attitude and you’ll find out what prison really is!”
“Tie your shoe laces, you’ll trip and hurt yourself.”
“Seriously, how old are you? How many times do I have to tell you not to chase your sibling around with scissors?”
“Do NOT MAKE ME CALL YOUR FATHER!”
“If you miss that school bus, I’m going to make you walk to school.”
“Don’t sit so close to the television. You’ll go blind.”
“Enough with the video games. You’ll rot your brain.”
“Don’t forget to bring your homework home!!!”
Excuse me now, while I go hunting for my cool factor. I seem to have lost it when I found my middle age.
Amy
Mine today was a combo of those
“You can’t live off of cereal alone!”
Adam P Knave
No worries! I found your cool for you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_UVOGWaoUo
MFA Mama
Me too, lady, me too. Some recent gems I’ve caught myself bestowing upon my children include:
“You’re thirsty? I’m Friday!”
and the ever-popular
“LIFE’S not fair!”
*sigh*
lisa
Thanks for making me LAUGH! Although, my kids have started telling me the video game one, now that I have a Wii…
Forgotten
I caught myself saying the proverbial “Keep crying and I’ll give you a reason to cry!” the other day and I almost smacked myself…sheesh.
habanerogal
…and this too will pass
beachcomber
“If you friends were jumping off a cliff, would you do that, too?”
“Put on a sweatshirt….you’re making me cold”.
I got a million of `em…Dammit, mother!
GrandeMocha
The one that got me was, “Just wait till you have kids of your own!!!”
Kristin
“When I was a kid, we didn’t have cable tv. No-oh, we did this crazy little thing called Playing Outside.”
Or…do you remember the first time you said the words “Kids these days,” with a sigh?
Or “what kind of crappy music is this?”
Kristin
On the lines of “how old are you,” when my husband taught 7th grade a while back, he chased down a kid who was kicking the soda machine in the hall. My hubby got so livid he actually chased the kid down, all the more infuriated that the kid ran from him. He caught the kid and starts reaming the kid out and yells “Stop acting like you’re 12!” And then kid goes “Um, but I am 12.” Yeah, that went well.
Natalie
Your mom says “dude”??? That is beyond awesome.
rimarama
Don’t forget, “Do you think I’m DOING THIS FOR MY HEALTH?” and “I’ll give you something to cry about.”
Titanium
It’s apparent you’re a parent when…
You start saying things like that, and this, “You git what you git and you don’t throw a fit.”
And also, “No shit, Einstein.”
Wait. My mom never woulda used an expletive. But in my defense, she isn’t parenting my daughter.
Keyona
The calling daddy threat works everytime. I see nothing wrong with that.
Out-Numbered
Was your Mother Hot? Because that kind of trumps all the other stuff and MILF’s are all the rage right now. Just sayin’…
kalisa
Turn the lights off. You think I own stock in the electric company?
kalisa
Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD do it. (My fave)
Elizabeth
Let me join you with:
“If you ask me one more time, you’re not getting any. At all.”
And…
(After kid gets hurt for doing something I told him repeatedly not to, and comes running to me for sympathy)
“Well, do it again. See if it still hurts.”
habanerogal
…and this too shall pass, but sarcasm will get you through the rough patches.
Vicky
Well, take comfort in knowing all of those phrases will be said by your children later in life also. Maybe they will be cool enough to give themselves a blue dye job also!