There are moments when parenting a special needs child kicks you in the arse. With steel toed boots.
Today was an unending series of those moments.
Any parent who has ever had to sit in a small room discussing your child’s school plans while surrounded by teachers, administrators and more therapists and specialists than you have fingers on both hands, knows this pain.
There is just nothing quite like listening to virtual strangers who have spent a handful of minutes stretched over the course of the entire school year tell you how your child is limited or not meeting expectations.
Or better yet, having to listen to these well-meaning professionals try and set limitations on your child’s expected development.
Nothing sets my blood boiling faster than someone telling me what my child may or may not accomplish.
Luckily for both Jumby and my blood pressure, the team involved in Jumby’s education is a spectacular group of articulate and passionate professionals who have his best interests at heart and really want to see him succeed.
It also helps that they tend to be a little scared of me. Heh. I’m not just feral with P.R people it seems.
Still, after spending an entire afternoon in a windowless room, squished in with all these well meaning people, I realized something.
I sweat when I’m nervous.
And I really need better deodorant.
It may be time to shave the pits.
*A big thank you to BlogHer for re-publishing my post on carpeted underarms. Go on over and re-live my fuzzy glory. At the very least it’ll remind you to buy a pack of fresh razors.*
Kari
Tanis, I’m going to de-lurk and say that I’m sorry to hear that the IEP meeting was rough. It is good to hear that his team is awesome.
Also, I have to admit that I am a sweaty pitted woman, and I’ve found that when I have not shaved in a while, things are MUCH less….odoriferous than when I shave every single day.
Do you remember the Boost Mobile commercial from last year? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT89qfDx3yM It puts your pits into prospective – you look positively bare!
Laural
I just had a “resource team” meeting last week because my son is also entering grade 1 … and also has special needs (not as severe, but still).
I try very hard not to be *that* parent that the school hates, but when the principal was blatantly wrong about some issues, and my back was against the wall, it amazed me how I was ready to enter battle. I walked out of the meeting a little worse for wear, but knowing that for all my shortcomings I will always fight for my kids.
Theresa
At least they were involved in some capacity. I had an IEP meeting for my son a few years ago and the “professional” would read me a question on the form and when I asked a followup she would just read it to me again. She had ZERO input as to how to do anything for my child and I am not sure she had ever actually seen the form before. Later in the meeting (at my house) she fell asleep on my couch!!!
Kyooty
YAY!!! so next year is Grade 1? AWESOMENESS! way to go Jumby! (oh and your parents and sibs and those people helping, but we all know who is really working hard!)
UP
As a FORMER Special Eder, I got tired of hearing the limitations speech too. I tried to focus on what kids could do and not what they couldn’t. Granted, not everyone is going to be a CEO, but “failure” is subjective.
Preach it.
UP
Maddie A
iMOM.com started this program called operation summer. I’ve started it and its a fun way to spend time with your kids this summer and teach them while doing it. It’s free, everyone should give it a try, you can sign up for it at http://bit.ly/iMOMOpSummer
Chantel
I haven’t read through all your comments on this, so hopefully I’m not just repeating someone else…
As a professional who sits in (and helps create) plenty of IEPs, trust me, it’s not easy for us either. I want to point out the positive and recognize the capabilities BUT if I don’t point out the struggles and limitations then I’m not being realistic. And *sometimes* this comes back to bite me in the a** because if I don’t mention behaviour issues, etc. on a regular basis then it becomes “Well, why didn’t you tell me when this first happened?” from the parents. It’s not an easy task for us providing the support – I truly want the BEST for every child I support, but we have our limits too. There are legalities, boundaries, and expectations we have to work within too. We can’t always think with our hearts…even when we want to.
habanerogal
Jumby is lucky to have such a determined and tenacious mama he WILL do more than anyone ever dreamed because of you.
Varda (SquashedMom)
I just love sitting in a room with a bunch of “professionals” who have never met my son, and they’re looking at a bunch of papers “about” him that don’t really describe him at all (helloooo, he has a significant language processing disorder and this was a verbal test — even in the “nonverbal intelligence” part of it, he needed to follow your spoken directions to know what you wanted him to do. So it’s not really a test of his intelligence or what he’s capable of, is it really? It’s just a test of how good you were at getting him to understand what you were asking him to do — note: not very) and having these people tell me the best way to educate my son. NOT looking forward to upcoming IEP.
craig
Tanis
I hope you’re not becoming a “project”.
I had such high expectations for you.
I suppose I could spend some time going around the neighbourhood, knocking on doors, explaining your situation.
I’ve done this before and it can be humiliating.
I will do it if you want me to but the results don’t always meet our dreams.
I’ll tell you what, I’ll do it but be warned, even if I end up with a whole bagful, shaving with second-hand razors is not pleasant.
Michelle Zive
Oh, my goodness. While I have no idea what it’s like to sit in a room stuffed full of “professionals,” I do know what it’s like to spend an hour hearing about how my son may have ADHD, how he lacks focus, how he has fallen behind the rest of the kids, and how we as good, conscientious parents, should get him tested. What so he can be labeled? It’s hard not to sweat and in my case get defensive about how they’re talking about case number 3456664. I know deep down they are trying to help. Keep in mind Mommy knows best. Take it in and go with your gut. At the end of the day, it’s all you got. All those people can’t follow you home, thank god.
Nancy
You, hon, know your child better than anyone. Read everything you can find on yours and your child’s rights. Then read everything you can on your child’s disabilities. Teachers and administrators sit up, take notice and shut up when mom knows more than they do. It works. Eight years and three to go.
Domesticated Gal
They tried to put my brother into special ed in 1st grade b/c he was slow to pick up on reading. He just wasn’t interested at the time. But if my mother hadn’t fought for what she knew he needed, he’d never have made it to college.
Go with your gut – on the school thing AND the arm pits.
Kathy K
I think it good for school administrators, even the good ones, to have a dose of healthy fear regaring a protective mama. It is good for them to have the thought in the back of thier heads; “I have seen her bad side and I do not want to be on it.” As for you, Mr. First Grade Jumby, you go and show them that there is a lot more to you than what you can not do. You will do great things!
Tara R.
IEP meetings for my son degraded into bitch sessions for the teachers/administrators to tell us what our son was constantly doing wrong. With the support of his therapists, we gave permission for him to leave high school and take his GED test, earning his diploma a year early. He has applied to start tech classes in the fall. He is more excited about school now than he has ever been.
(Secret Clinical Strength deodorant works great)
Jaelithe
Remind me to tell you sometime in greater detail about the 504 meeting (504 being the U.S.-style of IEP lite, which the school was trying to make us do instead of an IEP because my kid’s very real and medically recognized special need isn’t yet on the Official State List of Sanctioned Sorts of Disability) in which my son’s teacher called me “hostile” in front of the principal, the school counselor, the special school district adviser, secretaries and an OT for VERY politely correcting an erroneous statement made by said teacher.
In that moment, there was not an extra-strength deodorant in the world that could have contained the stink I wanted to raise.
I’m glad to hear Team Jumby is actually on his side.
Brahm (alfred lives here)
Sometimes there are moments that there just is no extra strength super duper deodorant that is powerful enough…
this sounds like one of those!
adhocmom
Ugh. Dove clinical my friend. Dove clinical strength.
jess; [the bottle chronicles]
As a child with a physical disability, I have heard throughout my life from well meaning people that I can’t do this that or the other due to my disability. It also made my blood boil, and it will make my blood boil when someone does the same to Nolan…should he have this disorder as “bad” as I do.
While I know some things aren’t “safe”…I still want him to try anything he wants to try.
jess; [the bottle chronicles]
Correction: as a child growing up with a disability, and an adult now with one, and the mother of a child who has the same hereditary disorder***
Sigh. Sorry. It’s been a long day!